Spinning Plates

Getting better

2011-05-24T07:59:00.002-05:00

Husband and I are doing much better. I'm a very high maintenance woman and he's learning how to maintain me :)

I'm also exercising again (read: I exercised last night for the first time in 4 months). I'm going to try to do the TTapp bootcamp and workout everyday for 4 days. Yesterday was day 1.

I also learned on Friday that the thing I thought I had screwed up, I really hadn't. In fact I had fixed the data so that exceptions don't need to be made anymore. And my boss asked me for a description of all the financial work I do! This is so that he can post a job for a financial person to come and do that part of my job! I'm so very happy and excited about that. I'm not touchy-feely, but I might hug this person when they show up. Heck, I might kiss their feet.

We also made it to church on Sunday. So all around, marriage is better, work is better and spirituality is better!

Challenging and Difficult Times

2011-05-20T08:37:00.003-05:00

These are some challenging and difficult times. I'm not making a social/political statement, but rather a personal one.

I feel like I'm struggling in my marriage, at my job and spiritually.

I firmly believe that love is a cycle. Part of that cycle is being "in love", followed by just regular love, followed by not being in love. At which point, you decide you are committed are will keep loving this person. That decision can be hard to make at times, especially when you feel like the other person doesn't love you back and isn't trying.

It's very cliche, but I know our problems stem from a lack of successful communication. Knowing the problem and knowing how to fix the problem are really two different things. We'll keep working at it and we'll end up a better couple than we were before. The getting there is the hard part.

I really need help at work. I'm overwhelmed. I only work 40 hour weeks, but that's because even if I were to work 80 hour weeks, I still wouldn't get it all done and I'd still be overwhelmed. I'm starting to find mistakes that I've made because I just don't have enough time. It's very hard to tell my boss about these. I hate it when people have a high opinion of me and then I let them down. It's very hard on my fragile psyche.

This Saturday we are going hiking and birding with my parents. I'm really looking forward to being outdoors and doing something that will hopefully take my mind off work.

Another happy post

2011-04-18T09:44:00.002-05:00

We just had a *great* weekend. The boy was out-of-town visiting his friends and family. I went to the farmers' market on Saturday, then spent the rest of the day either napping or playing video games. I needed some self-indulgence. I have also quit planning our fertility. I told husband that I'm willing to keep trying and to explore IVF, but I'm not planning it. I'm not deciding when we do it or when we stop. That made me feel much better. I'm tired of driving the fertility bus. We are also going to wait another month before we try more IUI. Husband started clomid awhile back and we want to give it time to work. He can already tell a difference (wink wink, nudge nudge). So that is encouraging.

I've been making myself green smoothies everyday (remember, when I say everyday, I really mean most days). As a result, my skin looks much better.

I laid out in the sun (in a super-small bikini, but that's a story for another time) with no sunscreen for an hour yesterday. I did. not. burn. I attribute this to the increased amount of vitamin D that I'm taking. I taking weekly doses of cod liver oil and a prescription supplement. Instead, for the first time in my life, I have a slight tan that is not post peeling sunburn. The extra sun and vitamin D (which I took after some neglect just yesterday) may even be why my mood on Sunday was much improved over my mood on Saturday (darkness and death).

Now I just need to get back to exercising...

Now for some of the happy...

2011-04-13T08:01:00.002-05:00

My 19 year old nephew, let's call him Nephew (sometimes I will also refer to him as the boy), is living with us! He moved in back in January. Long story short, he made straight F's for his first semester in "college" and his parents were/are mad at him. He wasn't leaving his bedroom, he wasn't getting a job, he just wasn't living life. I decided (and confirmed with friends and family) that he needed a change of scenery. So Husband and I asked him to come live with us. I did run this by my sister (his mom) first, but probably did not have enough discussion with her and his dad. They have some hurt feelings right now; but I'm confident we can get past it as a family.

The first two and a half months were a little rough. Him adjusting to us, us adjusting to him (no more spontaneous sex on the couch). He didn't have a car at first because his parents didn't want to give him his car until after he got a job. I said that's kind of like telling someone that after they chop down a tree, then you'll give them the axe, but whatever, that's how they wanted to punish him.

He eventually did get his car back after a lot of walking and buying a bus pass. And then he got a job! Oh happy day! The boy has positive cash flow! He can start paying us rent!

We also took him to an open house at the Art Institute, which he promptly fell in love with. It's a super freaking expensive education, but it's also an industry-driven education which means the likelihood of employment on graduation is extremely high. I verified that he will be getting a bachelors degree, not just a certification. Husband verified that the institute was certified by some Southern college and university place. So, basically, it's a legitimate education. Credits transfer and what not.

Yesterday we completed his application process. He turned in his portfolio, which he completed in the nick of time. Right now, I'm just thankful that it was completed and turned in on time and am not going to worry too much about the last minuteness of it. We now have 3-4 days before we know if he's accepted.

I really don't think he won't be accepted. He has the skill set to succeed and the financial resources to pay for school. He is applying for the BA in Game Art Design, which is a new program, so they need people in it, and they need people in it who are going to make the school and the program look good.

In other news, I bought a fancy blender and have been making green smoothies in the mornings. Delicious!

I'm back! Let the pity party continue...

2011-03-28T13:49:00.004-05:00

So, the last post wasn't the most positive one I've ever written. This won't be either.

I'm still not pregnant, despite the fact that we've done an IUI every month since December and our numbers have looked good each time. I'm feeling discouraged as is Husband.

I got the recommendations to IVF physicians from our current physician. They are both men. I don't like working with male physicians when it comes to my female area. By "don't like" I mean the thought of it makes me nauseous. I also don't know how I feel about spending that kind of money on a 10% chance.

Husband still won't discuss adoption.

I turn 34 this year.

There are other, more positive, things for me to blog about. And I will get to those, but I wanted to get the bad news out first.

Habit Forming: Fail

2010-12-10T17:50:00.003-06:00

This week has been full, and I mean chock full, of fail. I started the week with one kind of sick (bathroom) and am ending it with another kind (sinuses). There was about a six hour break between the two. I had to miss a lot of work, and this is not a good week for me to miss work. I only exercised once and ate out one time over my limit. Since I was waking up late and in a fog, I also did not do my Bible reading in the morning.

Fail.

Fail.

Fail.

Usually, at this point, (this point *always* happens), I give up and decide that I just suck at being a human being and I shouldn't try. I would completely throw in the towel.

This is how things will be different. I'm not going to give up. I'm not going to throw in the towel. I'm going to start back up on Monday as though this week never happened. I will keep working out, taking my lunch and reading my Bible. I am a grown up and I can do these things.

Right?

Why does this always happen?

2010-12-05T08:25:00.002-06:00

I always have the best intentions of getting to church on time. The early service starts at 8:45am which is a good hour past the time I manage to make it to work every morning.

I think that hour is the problem.

It gives me time to do things. Like shower, make coffee, notice that I have the liquid I drained off the pumpkin puree I made from real pumpkins, have an idea to use it to make a pumpkin spice latte (I'm a genius!), make the latte, relish it and enjoy the fruits of my genius, remember I wanted to record a recipe for homemade pumkpin spice marshmallows (I know!) and then search for the recipe online at epicurious (but only after I picked out two sweaters on Old Navy's site, read the reviews about all the pilling and then decide not to buy the sweaters after all) and record the recipe in my new recipe software.

What?

A whole hour has gone by! When did that happen?

We need to leave in 10 minutes to make it in time for early service. My hair is still wet and in a towel. Husband is still asleep. I'm reading blogs.

Late service starts at 11am. Which gives me two more hours. I need to get the pot roast started. I'm going to write a blog post (apparently). Maybe I'll finish the second round of Christmas cards. I could trim Kaya's nails (that's my dog, btw). Oh wait, no I can't because we need to buy batteries. I need to make a shopping list. I have 17 empty picture frames. I can start filling those. It's amazing what I can accomplish right before church.

I'm definitely making another pumpkin spice latte.

Some good old vintage whine

2010-11-30T16:37:00.004-06:00

Here I am at the end of another work day. It's still a little early for me to go home. Mostly because Husband and I carpool and he's not here yet. However, my brain is done. So completely done. I feel surrounded by problems right now. None of which are under my control. All of which are impacting me. Grrr.

Yesterday I called a sex hotline in a meeting on speaker phone with about nine men in the room. It was one number different than the conference bridge we use. I should've known something was wrong when the recording started off with a woman saying "Hey there sexy gentleman" but I just thought my company was trying some radically different advertisement campaign. Then I started to verify the number because the number I had dialed was still on the display. Then the recording woman informed all the sexy gentlemen that there were h@rny girls waiting to talk to them right now. That's when I frantically started mashing buttons to hang up the phone. Why it took me that long to figure out what I'd done, I don't know. It's the first time I've ever called a sex hotline.

I'm in homebody mode right now. I just want to be home. I want to do things at home and be in my surroundings. I want to make another pie (pumpkin this time!), I want to do my workout, I want to do my laundry, play my computer games, watch my anime, read my books, listen to my music, finish my Christmas cards, organize the sofa table, the list goes on. (and on and on)

It will be Sunday before I get the kind of time in my house that I want. Sunday. That's not until next month.

Tonight I'll get home, start the deviled steak, switch the laundry, workout, shower, eat (while watching anime), then it will probably be time for my pre-bed reading which is followed up by going to bed. Sigh. Just not enough time. I do not know how working mothers get it all done, I really don't.

Habit Forming: Exercise and Bible Reading II

2010-11-20T19:29:00.002-06:00

Exercise habit is going great! I'm enjoying my XBOX as I type :)

I'm gradually increasing the duration of exercise each day, but I still only need 10 minutes to qualify for XBOX time. There are some evenings when 10 minutes is just all I can do.

Here are my sources for exercise:

10-minute solutions: Pilates (video)
The T Tapp basic workout (video)
Wii Fit
www.bodyrock.tv (awesome!)
jogging (C25K iPhone app)
walking (as a cool down)
bikini bootcamp (book)

As I may have posted earlier, I've completed the Bible. Now I want to reread it and record the verses that I particularly like or find interesting. I just need to buy the journal.

TTC: How many is too many?

2010-11-17T10:23:00.002-06:00

Monday I had four follicles.

Today I have twenty. TWENTY.

The probability that I would get pregnant from an IUI cycle shot up dramatically.

So did the probability that I would have multiples. And we aren't just talking twins.

Since Husband and I aren't comfortable with selective reduction, there will be no IUI this round.

I was very disappointed with this news and I cried some.

However, really bad news would be no response at all. At least we know that the shots work for me. I just need less.

There's always an upside!

TTC: Update

2010-11-15T18:19:00.003-06:00

I've started the shots.

I went in last Friday to checkout the ovaries one more time. The cysts were gone.

I took my first shot Friday evening. Husband gave it to me. I'm a chicken.

Saturay, Husband wasn't home. It was just me and my friend Abby (not her real name). I first tried to convince Abby to give me the shot. I could tell she really didn't want to. She had given her sister one of her fertility shots. According to her sister, Abby doesn't do well with giving shots. But, according to any older sister, the younger sister doesn't do anything well, so I was willing to give her a try. In Abby's words, her sister can't stop being her sister, but I could stop being her friend.

So, Abby was out.

That left only me.

Me and a large syringe with a seemed-small-at-first-but-not-so-much-now needle. Strange how a needle seems large only when you have to stick it into your stomach.

After eleven minutes of deep breathing, staring at my stomach and counting to three several (several) times, I finally stuck it in. Only it didn't go all the way in. So I pulled it out. I then had to stick it in again and push until it was all the way in.

When I finally did it, I realized that I'm a drama chicken. It's really not that bad. It doesn't hurt at all. The dose I'm taking is so small, it doesn't even leave a bump.

So there we are. I've had three shots and went in today to see how the ovaries are reacting. It looks like there are four that are doing well. Now, the probability that all four will get fertilized and implanted is low. Heck, even the probability that one will get fertilized and implanted is low.

Something about doing the shots makes it seem like we leveled up in the fertility game. Like, now we are serious. Now we are in the big leagues.

It's exciting.

Habit forming: Exercise

2010-11-03T16:28:00.002-05:00

Yes. You read that right. Exercise.

I feel like my lunch habit is under control. I'm reliably packing my lunch and not eating out more than twice a week. Creating a habit of exercise has been my Everest. And I am finally going to conquer it! I have a plan! And I have a really good rewards system! My rewards system is my barefooted sherpa who doesn't need oxygen and can, literally, metabolize thin air.

So far I've exercised every day this week for 10 minutes.

Side note: Some of you may be scoffing at only exercising for 10 minutes. But, if you take the number of minutes I exercised last week, multiplied that by infinity, it would still be less than 10 minutes. So, in a very mathematical sense, I've increased the time I spend exercising by infinity percent. So there!

I even got my 10 minutes in on Monday night when I got home late and had to cook dinner (oriental cabbage rolls, yum).

What's my secret? Video games, Netflix and Hulu. I'm not allowed to enjoy any of them on a weekday unless I've exercised. I only get them on the weekend if I exercised all five days that week.
Very. Motivating.

I shall see how this goes. If it goes well, then I'll start increasing the duration of exercise. As it it, I have sore abs and thighs. Yes, I'm that out-of-shape.

Camping and other stuff

2010-10-26T13:59:00.002-05:00

We went camping this past weekend and it was great! We bought a new tent, one that could fit our air mattress this time, and discovered that our air mattress leaks badly and ended up sleeping on the ground anyway. Again.

Our new tent is water tight. We got a bit of rain. We were predicted to have 50 mph winds and hail, but we stuck it out. This is Texas. Weather is iffy. We knew that a prediction for hail could mean perfectly clear skies, or wrath-of-God style hail with tornadoes. We got the former.

Highlights of camping out: bacon and eggs cooked over a fire in the morning, falling asleep to the sound of the breeze through the cottonwood leaves, seeing the non-Texans react to the armadillo that visited us each night, building a fire from the previous night's coals, time with friends.

Also, I think the video game, Culdcept, is one of the best things to happen to me a long time. The game is made up of short segments, boardgame style. So after my turn, I have to wait for my opponents to have their turns. During this time, I get up and do stuff. My house is a lot tidier. My laundry is pretty much caught up. My lunch gets packed. It's awesome. Who knew playing a video game would bring out the adult in me?

Oh my goodness, am I becoming a lady?

2010-10-20T08:06:00.003-05:00

I'm reading a guest post over at Empowered Traditionalist. It's on being a "lady," which I have never considered myself to be. Am I a capable woman? yes. Am I a professional? most of the time, yes. Do I embrace my femininity? yes. (Except when I wear men's sweat pants. That's not so feminine.) But I have never considered myself to be a lady. To me a lady has a house that is always perfect. Knows how to always look just-so. Can hostess any event. Is always polite. Is never offensive.

But then I read this:

"Whether or not you wear linen after Labor Day, the essence of being a lady is an others-oriented mindset. A lady is both regimented and flexible; compassionate and strong. A lady reaches out to others by disciplining herself."

Hmm. Regimented flexibility and self discipline is exactly what I'm trying to instill in my life. Maybe I'm trying to become a lady without even realizing it. Of course, this really hinges on the definition of the word.

But there is also this little list:

A lady always respects other people’s time whether at the office or at home
That I do! Always!
A lady returns any item she borrows in a timely manner
Hmmm. No so much. My fix, I don't borrow.
A lady never points out the imperfections of her mate to others
Epic. Fail.
But I'm working on it.
A lady turns off her cell phone at an event or dinner out
Yeah! I do this!
A lady uses her turn signals when driving
That's not being a lady. That's just not being a moronic ass-wipe. (Typing ass-wipe probably precludes me from ladyship.)
A lady does not wear clothes so revealing they embarrass others
Um. I don't think I do this. Some people have been aghast at the whiteness of my legs.
A lady does not wear linen before Easter nor after Labor Day
Done! I don't own linen.
A lady does not brag, whine, nag, or gossip
Hmmm. Well. Anyway.

So, I think my point is that maybe I'm on my way to being my version of what a lady is. Maybe being a lady doesn't mean having a museum perfect house, but a house that is welcoming. Maybe ladies aren't perfect hostesses, but are willing to hostess and show hospitality. Maybe she isn't perfectly dressed all the time but just takes pride in her appearance.

I'm not giving up my men's sweat pants, though.

TTC: Update

2010-10-19T12:42:00.003-05:00

I started my new cycle last Thursday. I had an ultrasound to check out the ovaries on Friday. I had called ahead so they knew I wanted to start the shots this cycle if the timing was okay.

Turns out I have a cyst on my left ovary. Which means I didn't ovulate last cycle (no surprise there). It also means that I can't take fertility shots this cycle. I'm taking a low level birth control pill in order to dissolve the cyst.

So, we get another break. We are going to be camping on the days we would've needed to go in for IUI's anyway. Now I don't have to stress over whether to push the IUI's out or to cancel our trip. And Husband gets another month of his shots. The more, the better in that arena.

On to the next cycle!

Habit forming: Bringing my lunch

2010-10-14T08:53:00.003-05:00

Good news! I got my chicken salad made last night and have my lunch made for the next two days!

Husband has perfected the chicken system. We buy a whole chicken every two weeks. He will use our rotisserie oven to make delicious roasted chicken with crunchy skin and juices (drools...). We usually eat a quarter to a half of the chicken the night it is roasted. Then he will pull all the remaining chicken meat off the bones. All the rest of the chicken (bones and skin) goes into the big crockpot with some onions, celery, carrots, bay leaves, etc. This is simmered for 24 hours. Soooo yummy.

Anyway, we almost always have some cooked chicken meat in the fridge. I use this for casseroles like King Ranch Chicken or pot pies. But now, I've started making what I call Fridge Chicken Salad.

I cut up the chicken and put it in the food processor. Then I add things that I have in the fridge (or pantry). The first time I did this it was homemade ranch dressing an roasted red peppers. Last night I used some celery, mayo, mustard, cracked pepper and homemade pickle relish. Pulsed it a few times to mix. Now I have about 2.5 cups of chicken salad. That's enough for a few sandwiches. If I could get this done on Sunday, then I would have a week's worth of lunch ready to go.

I'm feeling very proud of myself at the moment.

TTC and other stuff

2010-10-13T07:55:00.005-05:00

Last night I was researching adoption from Poland. I followed that up with research on fertility shots for women. I'm going to talk to my physician about starting up shots this next round. Husband's shots are going well. I'm very hopeful that we will get to have twins. Fingers crossed!

This past weekend we went to Dallas to celebrate the birthday of a friend. We had a great time and ate a lot of food. I discovered maple blueberry sausage. Absolutely delicious!

I planted lettuces in a container and guess what they are doing? They are growing! Just like happy little plants. I've even eaten some of them! And, and, my green bean plant? It is growing! Even has very tiny green beans on it! Oh, the joy! I'm growing vegetables! I'm not really sure why this makes my cup of joy overflow, but it does.

I need to make snacks for bible study tomorrow night.
I have no idea what to make.
I will have to spend some time on recipezaar.com today. I might even head over to pioneer woman.

I'm currently working on habit forming. I think I probably will be for the rest of my life. Right now I'm trying to form the habit of bringing my lunch. Luckily, my fantastic brother-in-law bought an XBOX game for me for my birthday. I *love* this game. So, I use it as my incentive/reward to bring my lunch. Starting Monday, if I eat out three times during the week, I don't get to play my game again until the next Monday. That means I miss a weekend of playing. Argh! I'm on week 2 of this and so far, so good. Today is a bit of a hiccup. I was running late and hadn't made my lunch and decided this will be day #2 of eating out.

Next up on the habit forming is exercise.

Bible reading is still going strong. I just finished 2 Peter this morning. I only have 5 books to go. Then I'm going to start over with Genesis and take notes.

My favorite things

2010-09-30T13:58:00.002-05:00

I absolutely love this time of year. Season changes are so invigorating for me. I always feel so motivated, so energized, so not how I normally feel.

Fall makes me want to be home with the windows open, music softly playing, tea steeping, dogs sleeping, breeze drifting, bread baking, rocking chair rocking softly and feeling like everything is right in the world.

Needless to say, sitting in my cube with the halogens overhead and the overconditioned, cold air is a far cry from where I want to be. Luckily it's end of month, so I'm naturally reactively busy. I don't have to be proactively busy right now.

Here are some of the things that keep drifting through my head right now:

butternut squash soup with rosemary and gruyere croutons
camping trips
pansies and violas
falling leaves
the apple cider I make in the crockpot with butter in it. mmmmm butter.
the pumpkin chocolate chip cookies I have at home now. I make them with lard. mmmmm lard.
comfy sweatshirts
classical piano music and how I should start playing piano for 15 minutes a day
naps on the couch
how much I can't wait to have kids during fall

TTC: The adoption option

2010-09-28T16:10:00.002-05:00

I'm not ready to give up on having a biological child. There are still a lot of options for us down that road.

But I'm still ready to start exploring adoption. You may have noticed that I have a link to a blog done by an adoption counseling agency added to my blog list.

I need something to focus on other than what my temperature is every morning and checking the toilet paper every time I wipe to see if maybe today I'll have fertile mucus.

I haven't ovulated this cycle and I'm showing not signs that I'm going to.

That was really hard for me to type.

TTC: Taking a break

2010-09-22T08:30:00.006-05:00

Apparently Husband is the first person since the beginning of time to require the rHCG shot. The Walgreens pharmacy we usually use didn't have the prescription. We then asked if another Walgreens had it. They didn't. They won't even order it for us.

We tried to get them straight from the Doctor's office. After all, it's the same shot they give me once a month to ensure ovulation. Wrong. The dosage is different and they use a prefilled syringe for me.

The wonderful nurse we work with found a pharmacy in Austin, close to our house that does carry the prescription. Only the syringes are not prefilled. The pharmacy tech was supposed to train Husband on giving himself the shot when we picked up the prescription. Only he couldn't because no one knew the dosage. Argh! Face palm.

In light of this, we are not going to do an IUI this cycle. We are going to give the shots some time to work on Husband and we will try again next cycle.

That's not "technically" a break from trying to conceive, especially not after what we did last night (wink wink). But I don't have to get my follicles checked or schedule two more appointments for the inseminations. That's also about $200 we will save.

Babies are expensive.

TTC: Update

2010-09-16T08:34:00.004-05:00

Well, since this started with TTC and not Pregnancy, you can guess how the IUI went.

I am not pregnant. I am day 5 of my brand new cycle.

I'm doing okay, surprisingly. I'd like to think the reason I'm handling this round of infertility treatment with calm and positiveness has to do with me being more mature; but I really think it's because I'm not on clomid. It could also be that Husband and I have discussed adoption and have a time table for when to begin that process. He is much more involved this time around. I think that helps.

I had my start-of-cycle ultrasound and have no cysts. That means the really big follicle that I had did turn into an egg. Husband will learn to inject himself with rHCG on Monday. Good times.

Here's to next time!

TTC: Two week wait, again

2010-09-03T11:21:00.002-05:00

Thanks to TLo, I've discovered a source of cheap pregnancy tests. They now cost me about $0.73 rather than $4.00. I bought a pack of 50. I'm now peeing on more sticks than ever before.

We did an IUI on Thursday and Friday last week. Husband had some of the best numbers so far and my uterine lining was both quantity and quality. I started testing this past Sunday. That would be 4 dpo. Waaaaaaaaaaaaay too early. I wanted a baseline.

I tested this morning and it's still negative. I'm not supposed to test until next Thursday.

So, how am I doing during this two week wait? Pretty good! I'm not really all that stressed out about whether or not I'm pregnant (despite my incessant testing). I feel hopeful that, even if I'm not pregnant this time, we still have a good chance of making it happen next time. That hope makes this time period much easier to bear.

Getting caught up

2010-09-03T08:06:00.002-05:00

Last weekend Husband and I were in a wedding in Dallas. We were both very happy to be a part of the union of these two people who are perfect for each other. And I got to get all dressed up and fancy. My dress was long and a little silky. Husband kept putting his hands on my hips and rubbing them while telling me how great I looked in that dress and how much he liked that dress. I had to remind him that people are around and maybe he should keep his hands to himself (tee hee).

We had a great time. I think the bride and groom were even able to enjoy their wedding.

I've had a rough time getting back into my work groove. I'm really excited about this weekend and getting to spend it mostly at home. Being out-of-town for the past four weekends has taken its toll on me. I need my home. My rocking chair. My food. My dogs. And I will have 3 glorious days of this!

Yesterday I started a T-Tapp bootcamp. I basically have to do a 50 minute workout 4 days in a row. I didn't make it through the whole workout yesterday, but I did what I could and it lasted 50 minutes. Today I'll try to do a little bit more.

Have a terrific and safe Labor Day Weekend!

Weekend in review

2010-08-23T16:30:00.002-05:00

(I know! It's not a post about trying to get pregnant!)

We went to Houston this weekend to visit a very dear friend of ours. He is a witty guy who likes to tease by stretching the truth (i.e. lying, but he's a lawyer, so that line's a little fuzzy). He had me convinced for years that he is younger than me. He's not. He's just that kind of guy. So, naturally, I love him.

Despite the fact that our car got towed and my binoculars broke, we had a really good time. Lots of good conversation, food, drinks, etc. We also got some good bird pictures.

We ended up driving down to Galveston and visiting the beach. That's where we got the bird pics and I ate soft shelled crabs. I'm still not so sure about them. They weren't the worst things I've ever eaten, but they weren't the best either.

We were on the beach in blazing Texas sun for a good hour and a half to two hours. I wore no sunscreen. I'm very very pale. I did not sunburn. I was shocked and surprised that I didn't, but I didn't. That's the power of the vitamin D.

TTC: Another prescription

2010-08-19T08:21:00.002-05:00

I had an appointment Tuesday to take a look at my ovaries and to chat with my physician.

My ovaries are just fine. She believes that I am ovulating but that I may still need some help with that. I will go in next Tuesday to have a pelvic ultrasound (or sonogram?) and will probably do more IUIs on Thursday and Friday.

Lady physician says that even though I ovulate without Clomid, that after 3-6 failed IUIs, she usually prescribes Clomid. I told her I won't take it. That it makes me crazy. She said, no matter! we will just skip Clomid and go straight to the shots. A friend of mine had to use the shots and she said they are way better than Clomid, so I'm not distressed by this. I am encouraged that we have further options if our current option doesn't pan out.

I also had blood work done. Turns out, I'm low on my thyroid stimulating hormone. Which means I have hypothyroidism. I'll start my Synthroid tonight.

This makes my fourth prescription. I'm not thrilled about this. Once again I feel like we are doing a work around rather than fixing the problems. However, I've decided to stick with the prescriptives route until after we have a baby, then I'll start on a more natural approach to fixing me. Who knows, maybe pregnancy will be the thing that does fix me.

TTC: Next!

2010-08-16T13:06:00.004-05:00

Day 1 of this cycle was Saturday. I got to feel like a steaming pile of crap while visiting my friends in Dallas. However, we still managed to have a lovely visit.

Husband had his urology appointment today and everything looks good.

Tomorrow I have an ultrasound to look at my ovaries and an appointment to speak to our physician. We are going to ask about getting Husband on the shots and getting me tested for insulin resistance.

This last IUI failing was not that hard on me, probably because I'm not clomid-crazy. But it was hard on Husband. He got pretty upset while we were driving. And, I hate to say it, but this made me happy. It made me feel like I'm not alone anymore.

Here's to the future!

TTC: Day of reckoning

2010-08-11T16:10:00.002-05:00

with the pee stick(s). Yes, it should be plural. I have no self-control when it comes to peeing on things.

It was negative. All of them were. All five.

I'll probably start my new cycle this weekend and I'll go in for a sonogram to take a look-see at my ovaries Monday.

I don't believe I'm too upset about this. However, getting a negative on a pee test and getting your period are two different types of "you're not pregnant". When my emotions get hormonally whacked, I might be more upset.

I am looking forward optimistically to the next cycle. I can tell that I've gotten healthier. the quality of my menses have much improved, which will improve my chances of implantation if we ever fertilize an egg. I think we will have a much better chance of conceiving a healthy child once Husband is on the shots he's supposed to be on (HCG). I'm also happy to have a chance to put more $$$ into the emergency fund.

I am a little sad that I won't have a reason to pee on something for awhile. I do like peeing on sticks.

Habit forming

2010-08-05T08:54:00.002-05:00

I'm happy to report that last week, I ate breakfast twice. This week, I've eaten breakfast three times so far. That's a 50% improvement!

What am I having for breakfast? Soaked five grain cereal mix. It's a mixture of oats, some stuff and flax seeds. I've also taken my cod liver oil and high vitamin butter oil every morning as well. I'll need to figure out how the cost of my vitamins are going to factor into the budget. I might need to make a separate sub account for Vitamins. Right now they are part of Groceries.

Working out is not going so well. My work out partner has abandoned me to go vacation with his wife and baby. What a jerk.

I will attempt a 15 minute workout tonight.

TTC: Confessions

2010-08-04T08:07:00.003-05:00

I'm obsessing. Here are the things I've indulged myself in.

Calculated the chances of being pregnant at the end of each successive IUI
This was also done because I just couldn't figure it out. Unsolved problems drive me nuts. In case you are curious, the chance of getting pregnant with each individual IUI is still 1/6, just like the chance of rolling a 1 on a six-side die is 1/6. But if you roll three times, your chance of rolling a 1 is much better than if you just roll once.
Repeated internet searches on "implantation dip 5 dpo"
Monday my temps dipped down to my coverline. Often times that is an indication of implantation. I reviewed my past charts and this has not occurred before. If you want to view my charts, http://www.tcoyf.com/members/meriage/pccharts/4.aspx, have at it. Obsess with me.
(This one's the worst) I did a craigslist search for maternity clothes
I hang my head in shame. Shame.

I don't like to identify a problem without offering a solution. So, what am I going to do to keep myself from obsessing during the next week?

I believe I will focus on our finances and exercising. Husband and I have read Dave Ramsey's "Total Money Makeover" and are applying it to our lives. Slowly. We are working on building our emergency fund. To that end, we are cutting back expenses. I haven't bought new clothes in a few months.

We are also trying to cut back on what we spend on groceries. I budget $300 per month for groceries. We spend $600. I think this is outrageous. Therefore we are tracking how much we are spending per meal.

I'm also exploring options for buying meat in bulk. My parents have grown too many vegetables than they can store in their freezer, so they are buying a new one and giving us their old one. A friend of mine raises grassfed beef and is getting ready to slaughter. I'll see how much we can get a quarter of a cow for.

Real Food: milk

2010-07-29T20:20:00.003-05:00

I've been drinking raw milk from grassfed cows for over a year and a half now. Something I've noticed is that pasteurized, grocery store milk doesn't look right to me anymore. It's unnaturally white. I saw a cup of it at a friend's house and I thought they had a cup of white paint on their counter and I couldn't figure out why.

Real milk is an off white color.

TTC: IUI update

2010-07-29T13:44:00.003-05:00

I had my 2 of 2 IUI this morning. As my loyal and regular readers may recall, I've been through two IUI cycles in the past at a different clinic. They do things differently here.

The net net is that everything looks good. The samples from Husband were "good enough" and my cervix/mucus was excellent. My temperature went up this morning, so I probably ovulated some time between yesterday morning and this morning. Which is good since the spermies can make it to the egg in 15 minutes.

I just hope they can survive in my hostile environment for that long.

TTC: Another test, another negative

2010-07-26T17:52:00.004-05:00

Sooooo. I meant to have the previous post posted on Friday and then talk about the post coital test we had today. But it took a lot of time to do those pictures of my chart. The version of paint I have at work doesn't work right. Not that I would ever work on my blog at work. That's just not ethical.

Update: That post actually did post on Friday, even though I finished it and posted today. Go look at Friday for that post. Weird.

Hence, two TTC posts in one day. Lucky you!

Soooooo. Post. Coital. That means after sex. We had to do it in the doctor's office so they could see what was going on right after we did it.

Not really. That's what I *thought* it was. Much to our relief, we just had to do it one or two (or both!) days before the test. I had an ultrasound to check out the ovaries. I have a well-developed follicle on my right side, I'll have you know. Then a sample was taken of my cervical mucus. We looked at it under the microscope right then (well, after I put my clothes back on). There were no spermies. None. Zee. Row.

Soooooo. That's not good. But it's also not the end of the world. Chances are still good that we can conceive through IUI. Which we will do. Twice this week. Wednesday and Thursday. IUI days.

Also, previous to this appointment, we found out that Husband has epididymitis. It's an infection in the epididymis. That's a man part. He's on a round of antibiotics to clear that up. Then he needs to do a sperm test. Then we will get him on the HCG shots to increase his testosterone.

Sooooooo. There's still hope. Husband's sperm may get better. IUI may work. We may get pregnant.

Habit forming

2010-07-23T15:38:00.002-05:00

I like to form habits. Well, good ones. I like replacing bad ones with good ones. I'm also a fan of lists.

I think you see where this is going.

Here is a list of habits I've formed and ones that I want to form. I'll note my progress occasionally or never. I should probably put "update blog" on my list.

Read bible every morning for 15 mintues - Complete!
This habit has been well-established. I'm currently in Acts and will have read the entire bible in about a year. When I'm done, I'm starting over again, only this time I'll take notes.
Ten minutes of prayer
I'm trying to decide on morning or evening for this one. Praying in bed before I go to sleep is not working. I need to be awake. I'm not sure how God takes it that every time I talk to him, I fall asleep in the middle. I'm pretty sure I'd be offended if someone did that to me.
Eat breakfast every morning - In progress
I've eaten breakfast the past two mornings. Oatmeal. I like it. In the 5 mintues it takes me to heat it up, I can unload and/or load the dishwasher. That's a bonus habit.
Take vitamins in the morning
This includes a multi-vitamin, cod liver oil, coconut oil and a teaspoon of vinegar. I need to get used to breakfast first.
Exercise every weekday for at least 15 minutes - In progress
I'm very lucky that a dear friend of mine is attempting this with me.
Take a lunch to work four days of the week
This is a financial necessity.

Wish me luck!

TTC: Prolactin maybe not so high anymore?

2010-07-23T10:20:00.007-05:00

As you may recall, I tested high on prolactin. This will cause stair stepping temperature rises and probably prevents actual ovulation. Here is an example of my temps right after I started taking the bromocryptine to counter the high prolactin.

Notice how there is no clear temperature increase and no ovulation.

Here is my chart after I'd been taking the bromocryptine for a month or so.
Notice the red, stair-stepping temperature rise, but this time with a egg.

And finally, here is my latest complete chart. Notice the temperature jump. Yeah!

Alas, I still did not get pregnant. But progress is progress!

Report on Hair Removal

2010-07-16T08:13:00.002-05:00

Okay. So. Laser hair removal.

The first thing you should know is that everything needs to be shaved prior to the visit. The laser can't get to the root of the hair if there is hair in the way. I had to shave *everything* in the bathroom at the spa with a bic razor. Yes, that crappy kind that you used when you first started to shave in middle school. I had to use that in my area. My Brazilian area.

The second thing you should know is that the pain is not that bad. Granted, it didn't feel good, but it didn't hurt nearly as much as waxing. It goes pretty quickly. The worst part was the Brazilian area. It felt a little bit like someone jabbing me with a steak knife. Not stabbing, just jabbing about skin deep.

The third thing you should know is that the hair removal is not instant. It takes time for the hair to fall out.

So, all in all, I'm excited about my next visit. I understand the results will be gradual. I can see some improvement now. I can't wait to see what it will be like after round 2.

And there you have it.

A decision has been made, and a countdown begun

2010-06-04T09:05:00.002-05:00

As many of you know, I have extra body hair. It's problem that's been exaggerated by my excessive male hormone. I had been visiting a spa and have hair waxed away. I've decided on a more permanent solution. I'm going to have most of my body hair removed via laser.

Is it expensive? Oh heck yes. But I did a cost analysis on how much I was spending to get the hair waxed. I also analyzed how much clothes I don't wear because I would have to shave my legs to wear them, how often I don't go swimming because I would have to shave my legs and more, how unattractive I feel with Husband, etc. This all added up to justify the expense.

It's probably important to explain why shaving is such a problem for me. First of all, shaving *hurts*. To the point that I'd rather have the hair yanked from my skin with hot wax, because that is less painful. Also, shaving only lasts for a day, if that. After that day, the pain will continue with painful regrowth, razor burn and ingrown hairs. I've tried buffing myself with exfoliating gloves, wash clothes, lofa pads, etc. I've tried aftershaves and lotions. None of it worked. Even with the waxing, I would still get ingrown hairs.

So, onward to the laser. I picked out three salons that had high ratings and reviews online. One salon wouldn't do appointments via email. That was an immediate elimination. The other salon was too far away and I'd already decided that I liked the third salon. I went there for a facial to get a feel for how things go there. I liked it a lot and it was the most affordable to boot.

The way laser hair removal works is it travels down the hair and kills the hair follicle. Since the hair has to be present, you have to go for several (5 - 7) sessions before you get everything because your hair grows in cycles.

I'm getting my face, arm pits, areola (yep) and everything waist down done. In the meantime, I cannot pluck or wax. The hair root has to remain intact. Which means, I have stubble on my face. It's not incredibly noticeable. But I notice it and it drives me nuts. I usually pluck as soon as a hair is long enough to grasp with tweezers.

My first appointment is July 3rd. I cannot wait.

TTC Update and etc.

2010-05-12T07:47:00.003-05:00

I'm the only one here on my team this morning. It's early and dark and quiet and I don't want to work yet. The robots that control our work environment can't detect my presence unless I make movement about a foot behind me. Therefore the lights go off. Then I'll stretch and the lights come back on. However, these robots are determined that it will never be warm in this office.

I think I mentioned previously that we have started seeing a new fertility specialist. She's actually an endocrinologist. I will provide a quick run down on what we've learned and what we're doing.

I have high prolactin and excess androgen male hormones. I'm taking two prescriptions at very low doses. One is bromocriptene. It's for the prolactin. I'm only taking 2.5mg per night. That's half of a very small pill. I'm also taking prednisone for the androgen male hormones. It is a cortico steriod, which, ironically, makes my body produce less male hormone. I'm only taking 5mg per night. That's an entire very small pill.

My chart? It is crazy. It's all over the chart. My temperatures are much higher than they normally are. I think this could be because I'm exercising pretty regularly. It could also be that my body is healthier and is regulating my body temperature better. Who knows? I don't know who knows; but I can tell you who doesn't know: my doctor. The amount of understanding and knowledge that physicians lack really makes their level of hubris and assumed authority puzzling.*

Husband doesn't have enough male hormones. The irony is just slapping me in the face. We are going to have to schedule an appointment to learn how to give him injections of HCG(LH), which is the hormone women produce when they are pregnant. Counter intuitive, I know.

His last "sample" had improved morphology, but quantity and motility were still very low. I was glad to know the quality had improved. I admit that I was a little worried about getting pregnant with one of the defunct sperms and having a child with some sever genetic problems. So, improved quality makes me feel much much better.

*This is a generalization and is not meant to be applied to individual physicians.

Late quarterly update on resolutions

2010-04-20T07:40:00.003-05:00

I figured it was time to review my resolutions that were made in January and note my progress, or lack thereof.

Liver. Find a way to prepare liver that I like, or at least, will eat.
Progress: None
Kefir soda. I'm not going to get too specific on this. Basically, something made with kefir that is fizzy, like a soda. I might use coconut water, or something else.
Progress: I've thought about it. Does that count?
More ferments. I want to make Kimchi (Korean sauerkraut) and Tsukemono (Japanese sauerkraut) and pickled carrots with ginger. I love the pickled carrots on a samich.
Progress: Again, I've thought about it. Even bought the carrots and ginger at one point.
Vitamin D. I need to get my level of calcidiol (storage form of vitamin D) checked and get it within a normal range if it is low.
Progress: I did get my calcidiol checked. It was low. I'm supplementing to get it higher. We have another check in a few weeks.
Exercise. Three times a week. Something. Anything. 10 minutes of movement would count.
Progress: Meh. I'm still working on it. But I haven't given up. In fact, I did 20 minutes of kettlebell workout yesterday.
Laundry. Keep caught up on laundry and the closet clean. We shall see how this goes...
Progress: This went really well for the first two months. I need to get re-caught up again. Pokemon time may become fold and iron time. (yes, we watch the back episodes of Pokemon in the evenings)
Bible. Finish reading it. I got out of my groove when I had to put the Bible reading on hold due to cramming for the ITIL v.3 Foundations certification.
Progress: I'm back in my groove. I'm well into Jeremiah and am full steam ahead. I still predict that the whole Bible will be read before Christmas.

Overdue update

2010-04-15T08:02:00.004-05:00

The bathroom went well. There were some tears and doubts, some painting at 3am; but I forged ahead, and we now have painted ceiling and walls, and one tiled wall in the surround. Husband and I plan on tiling the remaining two walls Saturday. Yeah! Success!

I'm very excited at the prospect of peeing upstairs. Very. Excited.

We also had another trip to Big Bend. I was sick the week before we left, which made getting work done a challenge. as well as packing. and caring. Then, right when we were a good 3 hours from civilization, Husband discovers the camera is broken. The whole reason for the trip was to get pictures of more birds. It could not have gotten off to a worse start, but we still had a great time. We brought a lot of our own food and cooked on a propane stove and in a crock pot. That worked out really well and saved us a lot of money. It was nice to come back to the room after a day of hiking and have something hot and ready in the crock pot. Good friends and good food equal good times. Even when you have a broken camera.

Currently, I am barreling toward the weekend like a herd of stampeding buffalo (really, they are bison, but whatever). Ain't nothin' gonna stop me. Weekend! Here I come!

It will be a homey weekend. A weekend of food prep, yard work, bathroom tiling, laundry, dog petting, reading, and reflecting on how much God has blessed our lives.
I can't wait to get started.

And it all begins today

2010-03-26T08:49:00.003-05:00

(I know! Two posts in one day. What is the world coming to?)

Husband is going on a camping trip this weekend. I've opted to stay home. There are several reasons for this not the least of which is that this park only has port-a-potties and I'm on my cycle. Yah.

So, anyway, I'm home alone this weekend. And I've planned something. Those of you who know me are not surprised by this. But, when you hear what I've planned you will gasp in wonder. I'm going to paint and tile the bathroom.

This is the bathroom that has been unusable for going on four years because we learned that demolition is easy, installation is much harder. Husband, I think, has gotten discouraged. He wants us to contract someone to finish it for us. I want us to finish it. But, I also want to be able to pee upstairs. in a toilet.

We have the tub installed, floor tile layed, and the walls and ceiling primed. Considering we stripped it down to studs, I feel like we've done a lot. It's a whammy of a first-time home improvement project.

After work today, I'm going to buy paint and paint the walls and ceiling. I'm also going to buy bathroom wall tile and mastic with appropriate trowel. We've been paralyzed by fear of doing the wall tile wrong. We both have visions of showering and having tiles pop off. Luckily the husband of a friend of mine is a contractor and will stop by on Saturday morning to give me pointers. My parents have also offered to come down and help. Yeah!

With any luck, at the end of Saturday, we will have painted and tiled walls and possibly the light fixture installed. If I get really ambitious, I'll buy the base boards and get those down so that we can then install the toilet. I can't tell you how wonderful that would be. A toilet.

I think this will be a good surprise for Husband. I'm very excited.

Wish me luck! I have a feeling I will need it :)

TTC Update: the results are in

2010-03-26T08:46:00.002-05:00

We've heard the results of our lab tests. The verdicts? Husband is low on Vit D as am I. We have mega supplements that have been prescribed to us. We take one a week. I am, in fact, high on prolactin, but not so high as to indicate a tumor on my pituitary. I'm low on TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) and have regular progesterone.

I have an appointment to get wanded (sonogram for looking at my ovaries to make sure there are no cysts) on Monday. We will discuss the tests at that time.

I feel like we are making progress. Yeah!

This is the happiest I've ever been on day 2 of my cycle.

TTC Update: If at first you don't succeed,

2010-03-15T16:58:00.003-05:00

wallow in self pity for awhile, then try a different doctor.

Side note: I now refer to doctors by their first names. I refuse to call them by their titles unless they are going to refer to me by my title. I can't think of any other situation in which the person who works for you will expect to be referred to formally while they refer to you informally.

So, we met with the new endocrinologist today. I like her much better than the previous Dr. Physician (who wasn't an endocrinologist. he was more of a script pusher. probably has stock in the company making clomid). I'll call her Sara (not her actual first name). She looked at some of my charts and believes I may be high on prolactin. I don't mean that I'm smoking it, but that I have too much of it. So, I gave some blood for testing purposes as did Husband. We are also getting our storage levels of vitamin D tested. At least, I hope that's what we got. I didn't actually see the lab orders. I should've asked to look.

Sara did spend a lot of time talking to me. I relayed the awful story of Dr. Physician. She was very understanding. She asked if I had excess body hair and I said DO? I!, why, yes, I do. I could keep a salon in business. She listened to my lungs and heart and felt my thyroid. She did *not* want to examine me on my first visit. I also discussed the fact that I've found dried milk in my nipples and have been able to express very very small drops of milk. The hair, lactation and stair steppiness of my charts all point to the high prolactin. If that's the case, then I'm probably not ovulating, even though I have a temperature spike and positive O tests. Awesome!

And guess what. Another side effect of the high prolactin is swollen and tender breasts. Ha! ha ha ha ha ha! I'm day 23. My breasts are swollen and tender right now.

I'm optimistic again. I'm cautiously hopeful.

Thank you, everyone!

2010-03-06T15:14:00.003-06:00

I'm feeling much better. I actually started feeling better right after that post. I think I just needed to get things out. I'm much less weepy. The other night I was able to talk about infertility and adoption at length without getting teary-eyed. Just barely, but I did it.

I'm enjoying a beautiful Saturday with Husband. We are going to go to a park and go for a walk. Grocery shopping and laundry are the only chores on the list. A nap may sneak in as well.

Thank you for your support while I go through the crazies. It makes me feel less crazy and more normal.

Take your anti-depressant of choice before reading

2010-02-23T18:59:00.004-06:00

Then share them with me.

I'm on day 2 of my cycle. I figured something was up when I cried at my desk on Thursday. "Feels like PMS" I thought.

Or! Maybe I'm emotional from all the pregnancy hormones racing through my body!

I also had slightly tender boobs. PMS. gloom.

Or! My boobs are gearing up to be milk machines! joy!

By Sunday I had confirmed spotting. Just the start of another cycle. Sick to stomach from sadness.

Or! Really late implantation! Sick to stomach from excitement! Wait, sick to stomach? That's clearly morning sickness!

Saturday topped all this off with me inadvertently watching a show where two women start talking about accepting life with no children and how "accepting" is different from "knowing." Oh yeah. I lost it. Bawled my eyes out.

And the cherry was when Husband decided to be a very big ass, specifically to me, on Sunday. In front of people. Who were guests in our house. (He apologized this evening. Two days later.)

I took some of the least-expired Aleve we have (for cramps) and went to bed.

This all built up to me staying home from work yesterday to have a day of self. Self pity. Self indulgence. Self loathing. With an extra helping of the self pity.

Clearly, I'm grappling with reality and have a weak grip. I feel like composure is a very fragile facade. On the inside I'm a wreck of a human being.

I'm still a little stuck in the self pity/self loathing cycle. One leads to the other and back again. It goes like this:

Pity: I feel so sorry for me.

Loathing: Man, I hate myself. How pathetic.

Pity: Woe is me! I can't have a baby!

Loathing: I'm such a whiner. I hate whiners.

Pity: Wah! sob sob sob...

Loathing: I'm the worst person ever. I don't deserve a baby.

I started researching books on adoption. That did not help things. Not at all. Consequently, I desperately need to hear stories about adopted children who grow up to be normal adults. If anyone can contact me with people who were adopted and are well-adjusted and happy, that would be nice. Because reading the reviews for adoption books convinced me that any child I adopt will be scarred for life and no amount of love will fix it.

I don't know why this cycle has hit me so hard, but it has. I've actually been crying while writing this post. It's ridiculous. I've had horrible headaches from the crying for the last few days. Looks like I'm going to have another one tonight.

I promise to be happier for my next post. I have to be, because this cannot last. And I don't really want to take anti-depressants.

Posting just to post

2010-01-18T16:58:00.002-06:00

We might redo our entire kitchen. Getting quotes soon. So excited!

I feel like I'm drowning in work. It's too crazy right now. Too crazy.

I still like my job, though.

It's beautiful and spring-like here. I love Texas.

I'm still sitting inside in my warm comfy clothes. Meh.

This is the second week of my two-week wait. Boobs are getting tender.

I've already calculated what my due date would be.

Bah.

Resolutions are going well. Probably because I set the goals pretty low.

Overall, I'm content and happy.

New year's resolutions time

2010-01-09T19:36:00.005-06:00

I apologize for the previous post and its non-sensical nature. Ironically, I was pressed for time when I was writing it.

Y'all know my penchant for resolutions! It is now time for me to formally list my resolutions for this year.

But first, a year in review...

Here are the resolutions I made last year. Updates are in green, all project manager style.

Raw milk. Find a source for raw milk and get some. Then pass this source on to my WAPF group members.
Complete! I now procure and drink plenty of raw milk. Go me!
More eggs. I need to incorporate more eggs, especially more raw egg yolks, into my daily diet. My moto is "Eat eggs to make eggs". Husband said that moto is fine for me, but I'd better not come up with a similar moto for him.
In progress. I have been eating more eggs; but I need to eat even more.
Ferment something. I really want to make my own sauerkraut. I have the whey, finally. I just need to do it and stop being chicken.
Complete! I made sauerkraut as is documented here.
Kombucha and fermented drinks. Make my own kombucha and fermented drinks. I'm especially interested in the fermented stewed fruit drink that is in the Eat Fat, Lose Fat book. It's supposed to be like Dr. Pepper.
In progress. I've made kombucha, but not the kefir sodas.
Eat more shellfish. Actually that could be stated as "eat shellfish", because more implies that we are eating some now. That's not the case.
No progress. Yeah. This didn't happen. Not even close.
Learn more. This will include studying the adrenal posts on Nourishing Gourmet's site as well as my own research.
Complete! I did learn more. After all, I am an information junkie and reading involves sitting on my ass. Therefore I do it.

On to this year's resolutions. They encompass more of my life, not just nutrition.

Liver. Find a way to prepare liver that I like, or at least, will eat.
Kefir soda. I'm not going to get too specific on this. Basically, something made with kefir that is fizzy, like a soda. I might use coconut water, or something else.
More ferments. I want to make Kimchi (Korean sauerkraut) and Tsukemono (Japanese sauerkraut) and pickled carrots with ginger. I love the pickled carrots on a samich.
Vitamin D. I need to get my level of calcidiol (storage form of vitamin D) checked and get it within a normal range if it is low.
Exercise. Three times a week. Something. Anything. 10 minutes of movement would count.
Laundry. Keep caught up on laundry and the closet clean. We shall see how this goes...
Bible. Finish reading it. I got out of my groove when I had to put the Bible reading on hold due to cramming for the ITIL v.3 Foundations certification.

Wish me luck!

Time is on my side

2010-01-06T18:44:00.003-06:00

Yes it is.

For some reason, I often feel like I don't have time to do things. I could have a 3 hour window and a 1 hour task and I will think I don't have enough time to do it. I don't know why that is. The fact is, I don't have kids, and I rarely work late. I have all the time in the world.

Why don't I feel like I do?

How much leisure time do I really require? What would happen if I didn't have as much? Probably nothing and I'd appreciate the leisure time much more.

Camping Review

2010-01-05T20:04:00.004-06:00

We went camping for New Year's. It was very very cold. We learned a few things.

We (I) are spatially challenged. There was *no* *way* the air mattress was going to fit into that tent. So very sad. A thermapad is not the same as an air mattress.
The ground. It is hard. So very hard. And cold. And uneven.
I'm full-blown claustrophobic! I always knew I was a little claustrophobic. I'm so claustrophobic that I cannot sleep in a mummy bag. That's the type of sleeping bag that gets narrower below your hips and zips up to your chin. I kept having panicky moments of frantically unzipping my bag. I ended up sleeping with my bag unzipped. Unzipped = cold.
If your sleeping bag is rated to 40 degrees Fahrenheit, it means 40 degrees and not a degree below.
25 degrees is way out.
It's hard to cook breakfast when your fingers are burning from the cold.
I'm a weenie.

Luckily we also learned these things.

We love camping! and Fire! and parents who will bring you blankets!
They were coming anyway. They're good parents, but I'm not sure they're *that* good.
We love our friends! especially the one who was an Eagle Scout!
He was pretty much solely responsible for the cooking and fire. Andrew, you are my only hope!

I think the major contributing factor to the success of our camping trip was the fact that not a one of us is a whiner. We all froze our asses off, but we never whined about it. We just threw another log on the fire. Everyone always had a positive, up-beat attitude. Did I mention that I love my friends? I do.

We also got a picture of one of these. Which was the whole point behind the trip. Yeah!

It's a bald eagle. It was very far away. But so awesome!

Home again, home again

2009-12-26T18:22:00.006-06:00

Jiggety-jog.

If anyone knows what that's from, please fill me in. I think it's a nursery rhyme. Or gangster rap. One of the two.

Christmas was fun. I took the dogs for a walk in Texas snow (freezing precip for the rest of yous). At first it was unbelievably cold, but I warmed up and the dogs were having a blast. They really wanted to chase some cattle, but I didn't let them. Kaya was half-way under a fence when I said no. It takes a pretty good dog to back out from under a barbed wire fence just because her human told her no. I have to brag on my dogs. I have to read about what your kids do, you have to read about my dogs. That's the way it goes.

We played boardgames, talked about people, ate an incredible amount of food, went to church, made plans to do things, opened presents, played with presents, played with dogs, broke up dog fights (bitches, man), napped, and had a general, all-around good time.

Now I'm back home and am getting geared up to get stuff done. However I first need to decide on the stuff. Here is a preliminary list (hold on to your seats):

Clean shower (it's supporting life at this point)
Laundry
Make pumpkin cookies with sprouted flour
Make cooked winter squash
Laundry
Make dog food for the week
Laundry
Clean guest linens
Dust guest room
Set up budget for next year
Send out Christmas cards (they aren't late, Christmas starts on the 25th and ends on Epiphany. Get it straight, people!)
Laundry

We shall see how that list progresses. Husband just made brunch plans for tomorrow. Husband has no respect for the list.

I hope all of y'all had a wonderful Christmas!
I've got stuff I need to do.

Another day in the life of me

2009-12-20T10:12:00.008-06:00

Sigh. I should be getting ready to go to late service right now. But I'm not. And Husband is still in bed. This concludes the spiritual guilt portion of today's post. (<- total lie)

Sigh. The kitchen is a mess. I've been very busy the past week. I have a certification I need to pass on Monday and didn't really buckle down and start studying until last Monday, which is just sooo me. Anyway, Husband doesn't feel this incessant need to get the kitchen Bella-clean. I think I only have about 30 minutes of work in there, so I'll probably clean it today. I mean, if I'm not going to have a clean soul, I might as well have a clean kitchen. (I'm very grateful my religion is based solely on grace and forgiveness.)

My big boss lady (<- irony because she is 4'10" in shoes, I can fit her in my pocket) is coming over this afternoon to study with me. She also needs to get certified before the end of the year. I've been making flashcards for us. I love my big boss lady, but I'm pretty sure that, if I don't keep her happy, she will rip out my heart and eat it. With a little Sriracha sauce. Fortunately, it's not hard to keep her happy and I'm one of those eager-to-please, teacher-pet types. I'm not proud of this aspect to my personality, but at least I know myself.

So, Monday marks the last day I work before Christmas break and, hopefully, the last day I have to study for this certification. Monday evening = FREEDOM! (should be read in the style of Mel Gibson in Braveheart).

Tuesday will be baking and packing and wrapping and shopping and at least one meltdown during which Husband will yell at me that I need to Stop! Stressing!. Ironically, the yelling doesn't help at all. go figure.

Then we will get on the road and Christmas prep will end and Christmas enjoyment will begin.

Merry Christmas, readership!

And now it's time for a fertility post

2009-12-03T19:23:00.002-06:00

After the rather traumatizing experience at the fertility clinic with Dr. Physician, I'm a little gun shy about interventions. Especially since my ovulation has been stable since I started the lunaception, and Husband's sperm has improved. However, I believe Husband wants us to go see the Endocrinologist that he was referred to by his GP. This is a Dr. Female Physician, which I am far more comfortable with, but it's still intervention.

This all came about in September. And I acknowledge that she may be able to help us. That there still could be some hurdles preventing us from concieving that science could address.

I decided that I didn't want another holiday season spent at a clinic, so we are postponing the visit until after the new year. I'm also going to let Dr. Female Physician know that I'm not open to using Clomid. Ever. Not under any circumstances.

Of course I secretly hope that I'll get pregnant before then. I still have to have Husband hide the prego tests from me so that I don't pee on three a day. I still obsess during the two week wait from hell. So really, not that much has actually changed, except that we are healthier.

Where has the time gone?

2009-12-01T20:24:00.004-06:00

Seriously! Time is flying past me. Unlike traffic, which crawls.

Here are the highlights of the last month.

The new(ish) job is still going great.

We have our next camping trip planned.

We are still not pregnant but have noticed increased sex drive when husband takes cod liver oil. Yum! It's a sex drug!

I also take the cod liver oil.

We've hired a maid. I don't know why I didn't take this step much sooner. (Actually, I do know why. pride.) For her protection let's call her Gen. Long story about why I would call a maid Gen, which I will tell you know.

When my sister and I were kids we had two real Barbie dolls and one generic barbie doll. We cut the generic barbie doll's hair so short it resembled a dot matrix of orange plastic tufts on a page of bald.

And she was the maid for the two real Barbies.

Now, after telling you that story, I don't want to refer to my maid as Gen. She is so much more than Gen could've ever been. I mean, Gen couldn't even bend her arms and legs even a little (and, trust me, we tried to make them bend). They were just hollow cheap plastic. Let's call my maid Bella, because that means beauty and that's what Bella has brought into my house.

I love her.

Other than that, not much a doing. Everyone I work with has gotten the flu or upper respiratory infections or H1N1 or a cold or whatever. I've gotten nothing. Not that I really want those things. What I want is some pink eye. Something that's not really uncomfortable and wouldn't impair my ability to enjoy being awake; but is too contagious for me to go to work.

I made some muffins. Ever since Bella came over and shined my kitchen for me, I've been a cooking fool. AND! I've kept the kitchen clean. That last sentence should be read slowly and with meaning. I've got a batch of kombucha bottled and ready to be put in the fridge tomorrow. I've got a batch of punch fermenting away. I made some soaked muffins and a crockpot of black beans. All of which was made by using ingredients that I already had on hand.

My cup of joy overflows.

I hope yours does, too.

Getting campy

2009-10-25T18:31:00.007-05:00

We love camping. And we just found out.

We met some friends in Meridian, TX for camping and the National BBQ Cookoff. We had great time. Did some hiking, took some bird pictures, ate our body weights in BBQ, slept like the dead, marveled at the natural beauty of the world that was created for us. It was a fun weekend. I also made a mental list of what all we need to be more successful campers. Husband already wants us to do multiday hikes. I suggested we try camping without electric hookup first.

Here's the first guy we meet at the park on Saturday morning. He likes an early breakfast.

He flew away and met up with a Great White Egret who appeared to be his buddy. We found them and took more pictures of them.

I really liked the fog coming off the lake in the morning. It was just beautiful.

It would've been even more beautiful if I hadn't frozen my rear off the night before. We are *not* equipped for cool weather camping. Sleeping bags are on my list.

We also went hiking this morning and found our friend in a tree, greeting the eastern sky with a thoughtful stare.

At home, in my rocking chair, blogging

2009-10-21T18:26:00.002-05:00

We have been having perfect Autumn weather. It is exactly what I think weather is like in England all the time: equal parts mildly sunny with a breeze, overcast and moody, drizzle and rain. I absolutely love this weather. However, I have transitioned from my plants dying because they are being baked by the sun to my plants dying because they are getting too much water. Ah, Texas. How I love thee.

As y'all know, I'm always trying to do something. It's kind of the basis of this whole blog. You all come here every day wondering if I've managed to get my life together, knowing that I haven't and secretly happy about it because that means I'll write something again ~~tomorrow~~ later. And that's okay with me, because honestly, if I were to accomplish one thing, I'd just think of something else I should also be doing.

So, what am I doing?
I will tell you.

I have successfully conducted my 15-minutes of Bible reading every morning (well, not every morning, but more than 95%). I'm in 2Chronicles, which is really a repeat of 2Kings. Despite the fact that it is violent and full of how God treats bad kings, it is not the most gripping reading, especially the second time around; but Moses and Joshua are tough acts to follow. I was kind of happy when Jezebel got eaten by the dogs, though. She was not nice.

I've managed to get breakfast for a few days now. I have oatmeal in the fridge that was first soaked overnight (to neutralize the phytic acid), then cooked and mixed with butter, coconut oil and honey. It is yum. So. Very. Yum. Note: oatmeal that is first soaked overnight, cooks up in about 3 minutes. It's like instant, but without the instant price tag.

I'm working on adding, and don't laugh at this, two minutes of exercise to my morning routine. Two minutes of jumping jacks will get your heart rate up. Once you stop laughing, give it a try. I've also done some crunches and some butt exercises. Right now it's not really about the work out benefit but the habit forming.

And now, back to our regularly scheduled programming..

2009-10-06T20:41:00.001-05:00

I'm still adjusting.

I'm still guano busy.

But I'm blogging again.

In actuality, I've been blogging all along, but just in my head and not on any sort of readable media.

Returning to a workplace, where you used to work and left a year ago, is strange. So many people have asked me if I'm doing the same thing I did before I left. In fact, I am not. I'm not only in a completely different role, but am employed by a different company. And I can't imagine what kind of drastically wrong turn my life would've taken in order for me to have returned to the position I left. I feel sorry for people who do that. Unless the position makes them happy. Then I'm happy for them. But what a sad life.

I've also temporarily convinced a few people I hadn't really left.
They walk by, do a double-take, and say "are you back?"
"From where?"
"Didn't you leave?"
"Um, I went to lunch. Did you need me for something?"
Confusion spreads over their face.

The only notable events that happened during the Great Silence is that His Wife had a beautiful baby boy. I will travel to see them in November (crap! just remembered I hadn't actually purchased the plane tickets yet) and I can't wait. I plan on cooking, cleaning, laundering, changing diapers, holding precious baby and watching at least on girl movie with her.

I also very notably did not get pregnant. We are still kind of trying but mostly trying to get healthy. I still believe that healthy people are fertile. Fix the health and you will fix the fertility. This does not apply to people who have anatomical problems. Thankfully, that's not us.

I'm still ovulating roughly on schedule with the full moons. Husband is seeing a Reproductive Endocrinologist. I'm requesting that he request to have his thyroid tested and his Vitamin D levels checked.

I'm wiped out tired right now. I'm working 2pm - 11pm tomorrow as I did yesterday. Today I worked my normal hours. More on the irony of this later. I'm too tired to go into it right now.

Change begets change, which begets shopping

2009-09-03T08:03:00.002-05:00

New job is going well. I've been overloaded with information. I've learned the bliss and wonder of a pivot table. Those of you who really know me, know I'm not being sarcastic or facetious. Those of you who don't know just had a little peak into my psyche.

New job requires business career type dress. I'm from a technical background. My wardrobe is severely limited in the business career type dressing. Especially since for the last year I've worn jeans to work almost everyday and I've gained weight, which means the dress pants I used to wear fit me, but in an obscene way. The same goes for a lot of my dress tops. They make it look like I'm working for a raise in the wrong way. All this to say, it's time for a wardrobe overhaul. However, I want to be organized about it. I would usually just go to the shops and buy whatever caught my eye or that I thought was a good deal.

Of course, I have a number-bulleted list of a plan:

Clean all the laundry so I know what I really have (daunting!)
Get rid of whatever is in the closet that I don't wear and anything that is too small
I will probably move the "too small" into the box of "too small" that I have upstairs because I fully intend to be too small once again. Maybe.
Create outfits with what I have left and determine where the holes are.

When shopping, I will:

Stick to my list of what I need
only buy things that fit me NOW
not buy something on sale unless I would've bought it for full price
only buy things that I love on me
accessorize

New(ish) job under way

2009-08-25T08:02:00.000-05:00

Started yesterday. I'm busy. Will write more later.

iPhone App: wCalendar & Darkness-- TTC

2009-08-18T15:32:00.006-05:00

The post also known as, "How to use your iPhone to get pregnant."

http://triplecreeks.com/womancalendariphone.aspx

What it's used for:
Tracking your cycle. But only if you're a girl.

What I like:

Easy input of temps and recording of other events (doing it) and signs (mucus)
Nice calendar view
Nice chart view
Super easy to use
Displays the day of the cycle I'm on

What I don't like:

Doesn't calculate when I ovulated with the option to override
Doesn't take when I marked as ovulation into account with projections
Doesn't tell me what day past ovulation I am

If you are charting your cycle and I recommend checking it out. I use this app in conjunction with Darkness to do my lunaception.

Fight Back Fridays: Salsa, fresh and fermented

2009-08-14T08:04:00.004-05:00

I've been meaning to join in the Fight Back Fridays over at Food Ren's blog. Today, I will.

On my quest to rid my kitchen of processed foods that contain fake ingredients, I'm focusing on condiments. I'm going slowly, one at a time. If I try to do things quickly, I burn up like space debris in earth's atmosphere.

I followed the recipe for fermented salsa in the Nourishing Traditions book by Sally Fallon. Last Sunday, I went to our local coop (or is it co-op?) and bought some farm fresh tomatoes, lemon, garlic, jalapenos and cilantro. I already had onions. I chopped everything up. I left the skin on the tomatoes. Mostly because I'm lazy. Added some whey from homemade cheese and a lot of natural sea salt. Smooshed it into jars. Twisted the lids on and set them on the counter with a towel over them.

When I uncovered them last night, egads! it looked like a science experiment. Or something I would've previously thrown out of my fridge.

Luckily I've also recently read Sandor Katz's Wild Fermentation and knew that some white mold on top of ferments is normal and not harmful. You just have to scoop it off.

Therefore I did not fear the white mold and opened the first jar. The bacteria had done their job. There were bubbles and some fizzing, like a carbonated drink, but salsa. I scooped the mold and tasted. Oh the tang! the saltiness! the spiciness! It was delightful. The jars are now in my fridge and I'm working on incorporating salsa into this week's meal plan.

I used to wonder how people ever lived before electricity and refrigerators. How did they store food? I think I'm slowly starting to learn that good, wholesome food doesn't necessarily become putrefied when it "goes bad". Food that hasn't been messed with can become something totally yummy and even good for you (probiotics!) when it ferments.

I'm looking forward to our farmer's market visit coming up tomorrow morning and am excited to find something else to ferment.

-------------------------------

I just had an idea! The mold appears as a result of the surface of the ferment being in contact with the air in the jar. What if I use my vacuum sealer to seal the jars? What then? I'm going to try it.

You know it's been a dry summer when...

2009-08-12T16:02:00.001-05:00

your whole office building stops working to watch it rain.

Trucking right along

2009-08-11T14:14:00.002-05:00

I was able to give my notice today. It was bittersweet.

I will at least get a day off in between jobs.

I would write more but, bleh.

Decision made

2009-08-07T08:11:00.003-05:00

I think it's safe for me to post about the impending decision that is not so impending anymore. I've accepted a job offer. Yes, this is the third job change for me in less than a year. Yes, I'm going back to where I was working before. But, I'll be with a different company and I'll be doing something totally new for me. I won't be in support anymore. For those of you who have worked support jobs you know how momentous that is. For you others, I'll explain.

It means I won't work until 1am the next day trying to get servers fixed. I won't get calls at 9pm to get a server fixed. I won't have to work a whole weekend trying to upgrade servers. I won't be unofficially on-call 24/7. My life will be my own. I'll have predictable work hours.

I'll be handling financials for the contract I was on before. I'll be working with all the same ~~crappy~~ wonderful people, who sometimes read this blog. I may even be back in a cube in which I have worked before. I'll get to submerge myself in spreadsheets and try find ways to make numbers smaller/bigger, depending on the number.

My commute will be shorter.

The maternity leave and options for mothers are terrific. I may be able to work out a job share situation. Of course, given our inability to reproduce, that may not matter.

I will certainly miss the people here. I'll miss the learning and being in the fray.* The fray is such a double-edged sword. It's exciting. It gives you the opportunity to be the hero. But it also means you may have to put your life on hold to accomplish that. I like the adrenaline. I don't like the missed sleep and missed time with Husband.

Sooooooo. I can't give my two weeks until Monday. Until my background check comes back and I pee in a cup, I don't officially have a job. But, seriously, my background check will come back clean. Thanks to Nancy Regan, I don't do drugs. I'm dreading telling my boss. Mostly because he's been grooming me to take over a lot of his responsibilities so that he can spend more time with his babies and wife. I have a little guilt. But this wasn't planned. I wasn't even looking for a job. They contacted me. Sigh. I can't wait to get Monday over with.

I am looking forward to the weekend. But, seriously, when am I not? I have a spa appointment on Saturday morning. Saturday evening is a WAPF chapter meeting. Sunday will be church and bathroom painting. Yeah! I'll also throw in some cooking and fermenting. I'm getting ready to make some pickles and relish from produce at the farmers' market.

*fray - literally, a fight, skirmish or battle. Here I mean the times a highly visible service goes down and things are not working and we have to come up with innovative solutions to get things working and be detectives to figure out why it stopped working. I like run on sentences.

Weekend wind down

2009-08-02T21:29:00.003-05:00

It's Sunday evening and all is well. Saturday was useless. Nothing got accomplished or done on Saturday. It was wonderful. Sunday was productive. A chicken is roasted, lunch for the week is made, chicken stock is in the fridge, milk is on the counter top in jars (to be made into cheese and whey), and the kitchen is mostly clean. I also got some minor miscellaneous outdoor chores done. It was pleasant outside today. By "pleasant" I mean that it did *not* feel as though we lived on the sun. It has been another lovely weekend.

The week ahead is looming. I may have a decision to make. I may not. The decision, if I have to make it, won't be easy. Either way I'll make a group of people I care about unhappy. I've been praying for guidance. I know it will come if needed. Perhaps it won't even be needed. I'll be more specific later.

I'm planning on culturing some vegetables next weekend. I'm thinking sliced pickles, relish of some sort and some more sauerkraut. I've started up the menu plan again as well.

Wishing y'all a happy week to come!

The $200 dinner we had on Sunday

2009-07-29T16:23:00.003-05:00

which we made ourselves in our own kitchen.

Because we bought a rotisserie! And it was everything I thought it could be. I used a locally raised, pastured chicken. Brined it in salt water for 4 hours, mushed butter under its skin. Sprinkled on some salt, pepper and thyme. Rotisseried for an hour and a half. It was crispy on the outside and moist on the inside.

"Why the expense?" you may ask. Because I would've had to run my oven for two hours to get an equivalent roasted chicken, which would've heated up my kitchen, which would've made my AC run even more. The rotisserie gave off amazingly little heat. It's also smaller and takes less energy to heat.

Next up will be a Chinese 5-spice chicken and possibly some brie-stuffed fillets of beef. I'll try to get pictures.

Weekend in review

2009-07-27T08:27:00.003-05:00

The wedding was wonderful. I got all teary-eyed. We got some good pictures of Husband and me. We had a lot of fun. We even danced some. I did not drink too much and was the dd. I did not engage in too much of the R-rated humor. I did some, but not as much as I normally would have. This is all part of trying to live my life in a God-pleasing manner. It's not easy. I'm usually a crowd-pleaser.

Sunday did not result in a trip to church. Please do not talk to me about the inconsistency between the previous paragraph and that last sentence.

Sunday did result in some much needed pants shopping for Husband, housecleaning, laundry, mowing, watering, cooking and more cleaning. We also played two games of Agricola. Very fun game, btw.

I don't know if it was the dancing on Saturday, the wedding magic, the shopping fun, the good feelings that come from cleaning the house or the good feelings that come from trying to be a God-pleasing wife. Maybe it was a combination of all of them; or maybe all of them stem from that last one. I don't know. But Husband and I were very close this weekend. It's the warm, mushy, happy, glowing kind of close. The kind that makes single people want to gag themselves with a spoon and then kill you with it. It was wonderful.

Working from home

2009-07-24T15:44:00.003-05:00

I'm working from home today because we are changing offices. This would've been great but then it wasn't. I don't know why. I usually get a lot done at home. Not today. I really need my two big monitors to efficiently do what I'm doing right now. People kept coming to my door. Husband stayed home which made it feel like a Saturday. I'm now keeping an online presence simply to have the appearance of actually working. Even though I'm not.

We have a wedding this weekend. Husband is in the groom's party. We have the rehearsal tonight. I love weddings. They get me all mushy. So far, of Husband's friends (all of which were single when we got married), the one that has gotten married and the one that is about to have both chosen women who I really like. Thank goodness!

I think I'm going to end this charade and start getting myself ready for the rehearsal and party.

TTC: Taking a break, mostly because we aren't fertile

2009-07-22T15:07:00.002-05:00

What can I say? I'm tired of trying. I don't want to feel nervous about planning vacations or spending money because of the big what if. So I'm not going to think about it anymore

I'm still going to track my cycles to see that I'm ovulating, but I'm not going to worry about whether or not we time things right. I'm still going to try to be healthy. But now I'm doing these things mostly for me and not for some hypothetical baby.

I'm almost to the end of the current cycle and noticed that I hadn't peed on any sticks. I haven't even wanted to.

It's time to move on.

Another message from the datacenter

2009-07-20T23:40:00.003-05:00

It's late. I'm tired, cold and hungry. I'm in an oppressively dry, loud and frigid environment. There are warm pockets of air. It's like swimming in a lake and finding a warm spot of water. I feel like I'm in a very low-grade tornado due to the air movement. My hair looks awesome. Think 80's music video.

I want to go home.

It's lonely here.

and loud.

More error alerts in my email. They number in the hundreds.

*sigh*

Mr. Boss and Mr. Boss' Boss work diligently.

I sit in the datacenter and wait.

I wait to push a button. But it's a ridiculously stupid button that I have to use a pen to push. My purse pen because the guys can't manage to leave a freaking pen in the datacenter. Where is it cold. and loud.

Or, perhaps, I don't push a button.

I wait.

I may be recalled to the office where I will take orders, hover, watch, learn, absorb, try to be useful, fail at that, etc.

I may be sent home.

Where I will drink some milk then go to sleep.

The world seems so far away from within the walls of the datacenter. It's at least beyond three secured doors.

Dr. Bone-cracker

2009-07-17T13:44:00.005-05:00

This week has thoroughly worn me out. It's due to combination of three chiropratic appointments (more on this later), working late, going out with work people, drinking beer + not eating, general busy-ness. The checklist was ignored. I'll use the same checklist for next week. Starting tomorrow.

I have been experiencing pain in my right shoulder-neck-back for many many months. This pain was getting progressively worse. It was making swiveling my head very difficult. I was checking my blind spots by turning from my waist. Try that some time. It's not fun. I finally decided to go see a chiropractor at the recommendation from a coworker.

I don't generally like to see health care providers in general and male health care providers in particular. However, the pain was very bad so I made an appointment with my coworker's chiropractor, to whom I will refer as Dr. Bone-cracker. Many of you may remember the posts I wrote about Dr. Physician and how much I just *loved* seeing him. That was sarcasm. Sense the tone!

I got x-rays. I got my mobility tested. I got asked a lot of questions. I got shown a diagram of the parts of your body that are effected by the nerves from the different vertebrae of your spine. Very interesting that was. Very interesting indeed. Turns out the thyroid is communicated to by the whole area of my neck/back that was in pain. I instantly remembered Dr. Physician saying that my ovaries don't get the message to go ahead and release an egg from my brain. Well, maybe this is why. Perhaps my brain can't tell my thyroid to release the right hormones b/c my spine is screwed up. It's just a theory.

Anyway, Dr. Bone-cracker cracked away at my neck, lower and mid back. I instantly felt better. I was able to turn my head with almost no pain.

Turns out my neck is straight. It's supposed to have a curve to it. Which means I walk with my head more forward than up. I now have chiropractic followed by physical therapy three times a week. I also have a set of exercises that I do in the morning and a set for the evening. These are mostly back strengthening and ab work. All good stuff.

TTC: Update

2009-07-13T08:10:00.003-05:00

Just to keep y'all in the loop, here is an update on what my woman parts are doing, or not doing, as the case may be.

Cycle day: 22
Days past ovulation: 7

I ovulated the day before the full moon. Crazy. Or, dare I say, lunacy?

to be titled later

2009-07-13T07:58:00.003-05:00

I know you are all dying to know how my weekend went, so I'll tell you. It was nice. There, now you can all relax. Saturday was not as productive as I would've liked. I did get some groceries bought, had my touch-up done, cooked an omelet for Husband and myself. And then I took the nap. The nap was the black death for productivity. Not much got done after that. I just couldn't really wake up. I'm going to try *not* napping next Saturday.

Sunday, we made it to church! Despite the fact that I was in a fowl, evil mood. Church helped some.

I also read a lot of back posts and realized that I say I'll update y'all on something and then never do. I've also noticed all the things I've wanted to do or tried to do and never did/finished. Wow. I'm a loser. I'm going to try not being a loser. I'll let y'all know how that goes.

Here's my updated list:

cook two meals - complete!
get my lunch packed at least twice - complete!
shine my sink - I don't want to talk about it :(
read my Bible - complete!
3 15-minute declutter sessions (these are *wonderful*) - I did two. Still good!
start incorporating the 2 minute hotspot (mail table) rescue to my evening routine - not at all! didn't even think about it!

Building on this list from last week, here is the list for this week:

cook two meals
get my lunch packed at least three times
clean the kitchen at least once
shine my sink
read my Bible
3 15-minute declutter sessions
start incorporating the 2 minute hotspot
swish and swipe the little bathroom at least twice

Some of these may look familiar. I *did* get my downstairs toilet quite clean. I hate doing toilets. I now have a toilet brush that sits in water with lavendar soap. I'll use that to do the swish and swipe.

Weekly progress

2009-07-09T08:45:00.003-05:00

Husband is out-of-town at a conference. I'm home alone. Well, it's me and two large, ferocious dogs. Usually I totally shut down when Husband is not home. Yesterday, despite the fact that I was home sick with allergies, I didn't *completely* shut down. I also didn't get any housework done. I did get some work work done.

So, some of you may remember my post earlier about what I wanted to accomplish this week. Here's my progress so far:

cook two meals - one down, one to go
get my lunch packed at least twice - one down, one to go
shine my sink - um, not happening, will have to make it happen tonight
read my Bible - every morning for 15 minutes, check!
3 15-minute declutter sessions (these are *wonderful*) - not yet, tonight I hope to get 2 done
start incorporating the 2 minute hotspot (mail table) rescue to my evening routine - well, I did throw a lot of the mail on the floor while I looked for car keys. does that count?

I did five minutes of ab workout this morning. I know that's not on my list but I thought I'd throw that out there.

No follow through

2009-07-07T08:11:00.003-05:00

At lunch yesterday, a friend of mine told me a friend of his is a perfectionist just like me, except with follow through. His friend was able to organize travel pictures, put them on dvd's in slideshow format with music and commentary. That's the sort of thing I would want to do, but would never actually do. I know my friend was not trying to hurt my feelings. He's a guy and therefore clueless, after all. But, still. That hurt. Mostly because it's true.

Which got me to thinking. Why don't I follow through? Then I realized, the friend, who is also a "perfectionist," probably isn't the same type of perfectionist I am. The things I want to do, I want to do them sooooo perfectly that they are not possible. I'm guessing that friend has learned to accept good enough. He is a testament to what a perfectionist can accomplish if we are willing to do that one little thing.

What holiday?

2009-07-06T08:46:00.003-05:00

Seriously, so that was my three-day weekend. I feel like I need another day or two to recover. I know we had a national holiday in there somewhere, but I missed it. Between getting caught up with in-town friends and then getting caught up with some very special out-of-state friends and a baby shower and an allergy attack, I don't feel like I've had a "holiday".

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade the time I got to spend with my friends for time to myself. That doesn't mean I wouldn't like a little time to myself now. Most especially, I'd like to sleep. My allergies have kept me from sleeping well and I'm exhausted.

Seeing my childhood friend, who still looks like a sophisticated teenager (I would hate her if I didn't love her so much), pregnant was wonderful. I can't wait for that baby to get here!

Goals for this week:

cook two meals
get my lunch packed at least twice
shine my sink
read my Bible
3 15-minute declutter sessions (these are *wonderful*)
start incorporating the 2 minute hotspot (mail table) rescue to my evening routine

That's it! I don't want to pile on too much.

I hope everyone had a great fourth!

Weekend in review

2009-06-29T08:02:00.002-05:00

I am chugging right along on my effort to establish good habits. I've kept my sink shiny. I've read my Bible every morning for 15 minutes. There are other things I've accomplished as well, but these are the two that need to be routine. Husband and I did a 15 minute declutter in our downstairs junk room. Yes! We have a junk room for each level of our house! We are going to try to do 15 minutes every day. But if we miss a day? Big deal! Who cares! We will just continue working the next day or the next week or whatever. The important thing is that I don't beat myself up for missing one day.

I got some bittersweet news this weekend. A really good friend of Husband's and mine is moving to D.C. That's pretty far from Austin. I'm worried that it is a permanent move. I'm happy for him, though. I think it will be a good move for him personally and professionally. But that doesn't erase the fact that I'm going to miss him a lot! *sigh*

Other than that, we had company this weekend, followed up by more company. Needless to say, not a lot of food prep happened. However, if my goal had been to eat out a *lot*, then I would've met that goal.

Fly, Flybaby

2009-06-26T07:58:00.002-05:00

Many of you have been to my house and know that I am, um, shall we say, organizationally challenged. I live with CHAOS (can't have anyone over syndrome) but I have those unfortunate people over anyway. I'm shameless. I'm the sort of perfectionist that is crippled by my need to do things perfectly. Here's an example:

I don't know how to remove the small spot of mold that has formed under the caulking behind the sink, therefore I cannot clean the kitchen perfectly. Therefore I won't clean it at all.

I know. Sounds stupid. And it is stupid. But it's still me. And I have to figure out how to deal with me.

I've been to FlyLady's site several times but this past weekend I decided to go ahead and do it. I'm doing babystep number two tomorrow. I am going to have to adjust things to fit my life; but that's to be expected. I did shine my sink last night.

Habit forming is hard. And I used to tell myself that my life was too sporadic to form any real habits. My evenings just are not uniform enough to be able to do anything everyday. But then I re-evaluated. Despite our social schedule and commitments, I had already formed habits. They just weren't good ones. I have a habit of coming home and immediately changing into my sweats and baggy t-shirt. I have a habit of "needing" to destress in the rocking chair. I have a habit of putting my clothes on my vanity chair. I have a habit of leaving my dishes in the living room (for shame!). I am determined that I can replace these habits with different ones.

Usually I would approach this kind of change with an all-or-nothing attitude. I would want to change everything that was wrong all at once. This stems from the part of my personality that wants complete and total perfection. And as soon as I slipped, I would see myself as a failure and retreat back into my sweat pants/rocking chair shell. I'm forcing myself to concentrate on small steps. Baby steps. And like a baby, I will tumble and fall. But I will pick myself up and continue. I have to, or I will be stuck in CHAOS forever.

Cleanse: Week 3

2009-06-25T08:35:00.003-05:00

Man oh man. I've started coming off the cleanse. It's a few days early but I need more food. I've had a few dizzy spells and a lot of hunger. The last week has more raw veggies and less of the rice and beans. That just was not enough for me. I'm now gradually adding back fats and cultured dairy.

Here is what I've learned. It's important to be prepared if you are going to pack a lunch everyday. I've gotten a lot of ideas for lunches that I can cook/prep and then steam once I get to work for my lunch. I'm thinking rice (or other grain) and beans with some veggies, butter and seasonings. I just need to soak the grain and beans the night before. Also, some soba noodles (already boiled) with veggies and seasonings (like garlic and ginger). I can even add bits of chicken or beef to these meals. I like heating food in the steamer rather than the microwave much better. It just tastes better. I'm also one of those crazy kooky people who think microwaves may denature food. I still use it occasionally but not as often as I used to. Go ahead, call me a hippie.

2009-06-19T08:05:00.007-05:00

I've been going through my blog list trying to find something that will capture my attention. I've not been successful, through no fault of the blogs. My mind feels restless right now, like a discontent wanderer. I'm not sure why. Perhaps I really wanted to write instead of read, but I don't really know what to write about.

I could write *even* *more* about how much I'd like to be a mommy, how I'd love to have the trouble Amalah just had with the poop-covered baby, or how I'm terrified that if I ever do get there, I won't like it. What if I find being a mom mundane?

When I was in junior high I was certain that I did not want to get married and have kids. That was the equivalent of a life sentence in a house-shaped cell. I wanted to learn things, travel, experience. I didn't just want to drink life in, I wanted to gulp it. God made a big wide world and I often felt, and sometimes still do, that he made it just for me. Why would I want to limit my life with the drudgery of raising kids? These were the thoughts that went through my mind while I would rinse dishes in my mama's kitchen and stare through the window above the sink. That was before my childhood had ended. I could still see the waves of pale yellow-green grass bordered in the back by a fence row filled with wispy, lace-like mesquite trees with larger, dark-green live oaks behind them, all topped by a big blue sky dotted with fluffy white clouds. Eventually things would change. A shed would get built that would block the view of the field, and I would grow up and view motherhood in a completely different light.

Even though that was eighteen years ago, there are moments when I feel just like that skinny little barefooted girl in my mama's kitchen who was filled with passion and naivete. My heart will get all fluttery with possibilities and my mind will get fearful of being trapped in a tedious life. But, in the very next moment, I grow up again. Life really is what you make of it. You can either stare at the dishes in the sink that you've washed repetitively and will wash again; or you can stare at the wild, green ocean of grass and endless sky.

TTC: Update

2009-06-18T08:23:00.003-05:00

It's been awhile since I've discussed my reproductive organs in a public forum. I'd been feeling strangely reserved and unexposed, now I know why. Here's how things have shaped up. Days 13 - 17 (my lighted days) were May 29th - June 2nd. I did not ovulate.

Woe is me! My temperature didn't spike, but my self-pity definitely did. I stopped taking my temperature and started being angry at my body. I eventually did take my temperature again on June 11th. Apparently I *did* ovulate sometime between day 18 - 25 (June 3rd - 10th). Turns out the real full moon happened on June 7th. Which is kind of smack dab in the middle of the range of ovulation. I suppose it could be that my body, in fact, doesn't suck* and it was just waiting for the real full moon.

So, where does that put me now? I'm day 33, 8 - 15dpo (what a range!). I do not believe Husband and I were, um, being romantic (wink, wink) during my 8 day ovulation range. I was too grumpy.

Pregnancy probability: not good, but that's okay because I'm doing a cleanse right now

Body not sucking totally probability: pretty good :)

*I do want to add that I don't really think my body, as a whole, sucks. I realize there are people in this world who have actual health problems, who will never leave a wheelchair or a bed, who will die young because their bodies give out on them, who are also less whiny than me. I have not lost all perspective and am very thankful for the body God has given me.

Cleanse: Week 2

2009-06-17T14:35:00.001-05:00

So, last week I simplified; this week I eat like a monk. or nun.

The basis of my diet is kicheree, which is brown rice and mung beans. I can also eat certain steamed veggies. Yum! Here is the email I sent to my group this morning:

I made it through my first day [of week 2]! And! I didn't kill anyone! My brother did mention that he would "just order pizza" when he came over. That was a near death experience for him. He did not order pizza.

Last night I steamed some turnips, red cabbage and slices of ginger together. Very tasty! I also made some kicheree with a minced garlic clove on top. Very tasty as well! I brought some garlic cloves and my garlic press with me today.

I'm going to try the cinnamon on the sweet potatoes tonight. That sounds pretty good.

I just keep telling myself that the first three days are the hardest and that I can get through it. Also, everyone at work knows I'm doing the cleanse and if I slip I'll *never* hear the end of it. I guess there's some benefit to working with a bunch of jerks :)

Remembering when

2009-06-09T20:41:00.004-05:00

For my anniversary, I got a french manicure because Husband really likes the way they look and that's what I had for our wedding. I also like the way they look and decided to see if there instructions on how to do it yourself on the interweb. Sure enough, there were, in video format no less. There was also this video on waxing and sugaring hair removal.

In this video the lady states that the only thing she can see really going wrong with a home waxing is burning yourself. All I can say is this lady has clearly never been me. Because if she had been me, she would know there is *so* *much* *more* that could go wrong with a home wax. Especially if you have never had a professional wax done. And especially if you try to do your bikini area first. And double-especially if you live with a curious cat.

[insert some flashback waviness here]

This is the stage on which I tried to perform my first home wax. On my bikini area. There I was. Sitting on a blanket in the middle of my one bedroom apartment, my legs in a perfect butterfly. I was a lot more flexible then. Very hesitatingly shmearing warmish wax on my very delicate area. Hmmm. The warm feels nice. But how much? Too thick and all the wax won't pull off. Too thin and it won't pull off at all. I was using the stripless kind of wax. Which was mistake #281 in this ill-fated home waxing. While I'm trying to figure this out, my curious cat wants very badly to sit in my lap. Because why else would I be sitting on the floor unless I wanted him in my lap. I had a paranoia of my cat getting stuck to my bikini area because he rub against my "lap" right when the wax was reaching critical coolness. How do you really explain that at the ER?

Needless to say, this doubt, inexperience and cat-stuck-to-crotch paranoia caused me to be less than focused on what was happening on my very sensitive area. What was happening was that the wax very rapidly cooled because I had not warmed it enough in the first place. (Apparently I had believed that the worst thing I could do was burn myself. It's on the pamphlet!) Well, I had also used much too much wax. I had also not trimmed anything, mistake #564. So I now had a very very hard peice of wax anchored to my delicate area by a mass of hair, at the ends of which are nerves. Many nerves. That communicate pain.

I spent the next hour rubbing baby oil into the edges of the wax, lifting the edge enough to get my small trimming scissors (yes! I had them!) underneath to snip hairs. This process? HURT. I was left with an odd snipped area that was also bruised from the pulling. I then took a shower, nearly fell because baby oil makes showers *slippery*. Then sat in my rocking chair, petting my cat and practicing some self-soothing.

Cleanse: Day1

2009-06-09T08:19:00.002-05:00

I've started a dietary cleanse. This is being taught by my acupuncturist. I'm in a class of about seven other people. Since I know all of you bite your fingers just waiting to read about all the mundane details of my life, I've decided to chronicle the cleanse here. Please don't get carried away by the excitement of it all.

Week one is meant to focus on reducing the types of foods we eat and eliminating dairy, meat, nuts, fats etc. from our diets. Keep in mind, this is a cleanse, not a permanent way of eating. I know fats are necessary for the absorption of certain vitamins, but fats have to be broken down by the liver. So I'm going to give my liver a break. I'll go back to frying up my eggs in bacon grease afterwards. Mmmmm. bacon. This also means I'm giving the dairy a break. No more yummy raw milk for me for a few weeks.

I'd love to sit here and plan out my whole week's menu for you, but we all know how successfully that goes for me. So I'm just going to outline some ideas that I have.

Cook up some beans
I had a bag of pintos at home that I've started soaking. I'll cook them tonight. I also want to get some black beans and some garbanzo (chick peas) beans. I like humus and want to make some with beans I cooked myself. This will take planning. The garbanzos take time.
Eat breakfast tacos
One of the few things that I can eat in the morning without wanting to retch is bean and cheese breakfast tacos. I'm going to alter that to bean and avocado on sprouted grain tortillas. To this end, I bought a bean and avocado breakfast taco this morning and ate it. Tomorrow I hope to make it myself. Baby steps.
Make some beets
I like them and they are good for you. So I'm gonna eat them.
Make some sweet potatoes
see beets
Make a soup
Also part of this week is to use of what we have. I have some wonderfully gelatinous beef broth. I also got a shipment from the Mom&Dad farm which consisted of zucchini, yellow squash, onions and corn. I'm going to simmer those in the beef broth. Simple and yum.

There's the tentative ~~plan~~ ideas.

Weekend in review

2009-06-02T16:42:00.002-05:00

We had a lovely anniversary weekend. We had a very nice dinner after I got a very nice mani/pedi. Husband really likes it when I get red toes and a french manicure, so that's what I did. The manicure is already messed up. I've been working in our data center and it sucks femininity from me. In this case, in the form of destroying my nails and skin. It's drier than the desert in here. (oops! did I just indicate that I'm typing this *in* the data center?)

We also bought a bistro set for our deck off craigslist. Then spent copious amounts of money on more things for the deck. We sit out there in the evenings and chat. Maybe we can't get pregnant because we live like we're octogenarians already. Hmmmm.

What a wonderful world

2009-05-29T08:14:00.004-05:00

Today is our fourth wedding anniversary. I've been walking around with a goofy smile on my face all morning. Luckily I work with a bunch of slacker guys so I'm here by myself.

Four years sounds like a much longer time than it feels. It seems not-so-long-ago that we were sitting in our livingroom on the two pieces of furniture we owned, sipping coffee, surveying the wedding gifts (score!) and being so glad the wedding was over. Don't get me wrong, I loved my wedding. I loved every single minute of it. It really and truly was the most happy day of my life. It was the day Husband became my husband.

And I was prepared. I was prepared for all the bad times. The time I wanted to leave, the time I wanted *him* to leave and all the anger and hurt feelings in-between. I knew those would happen (and they did). I knew that was a part of being married. I knew that we would stick by each other and work through those times.

But I did not know how much closer we would become. I didn't know that I would end up loving him more as time went on. I wasn't prepared for that. And I'm glad. It's been a wonderful surprise.

Okay, now I'm back

2009-05-27T08:19:00.003-05:00

The first week in my new job position was followed up by a holiday weekend full of nausea, vomiting and urgently heading to the toilet, if ya know what I mean (and I think you do). Yeah for stomach bugs! Whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger, right? For a while I thought this stomach bug was not going to make me stronger.

New job is going well so far. I don't know enough to be responsible for anything yet; and part of extricating me from my former position means I'm no longer responsible for the stuff I do know. It's a pretty good position to be in.

Since I'm no longer focusing on trying to get pregnant, I'm going to focus on housework and exercise. I'm also still studying for the actuarial exams.

As for the cooking, I've signed up for a cleanse. This cleanse is being done by my acupuncturist and is an eating cleanse. Not one of those only-drinking types. I will have my breakfast, lunch and dinner chosen for me. I'll have to buy the groceries and make the food, but she'll tell me what to buy and make. Hopefully the benefits from this will be two-fold. One, I'll get a healthy boost to my system. Two, I'll be forced to get into the habit of making my own food.

Speaking of making your own food, I'm trying to make my own sourdough starter. I'm not sure it's going right. The instructions that I'm following say your starter may be frothy after a few days. Mine was frothy after the first day. I added a cup of flour and a cup of water last night per the instructions. This morning it was almost coming out of the bowl. I'm a little worried that it might greet us at the door when we get home today.

I'm back!

2009-05-19T07:36:00.004-05:00

Last Wednesday, Husband, my mom, my dad and I all piled into our Outback and took a trip out to Big Bend. Husband and I have been wanting to go back ever since we went last year with Husband's family. We had a lot of fun, did a lot of birding, saw a bear (again!), did a lot of driving and are now back home. I've started a new position at work and a new cycle. Husband has started seeing a naturopath and it turns out that he has a *lot* wrong with his thyroid and adrenals. Big surprise. At least we finally found someone who will treat it.

I'm still recovering from my vacation. I'll post more later.

TTC: Update, kind of

2009-05-11T11:45:00.003-05:00

Um. so. I forgot to do the test ~~yesterday~~ Sunday. (I also forgot to post this yesterday) It might be because after a weekend of taking care of my sister's kids? in which one of them locked and consequently wiped my iPhone? in which the other wanted *constant* attention and made constant noise (this is a six year old)? I kind of got to thinking that maybe *not* pregnant is okay. Nay, even preferable.

Not really, but that's the excuse I'm using. We had a blast playing animal charades, watching movies, making mother's day cards, etc. I love those kiddos.

In other news, I'm changing job positions! Yeah! This seems to be a theme for me wherever I work. I'm now going to ramp up to be the helper (minion, bitch, slave, etc.) for our UNIX admin. Which means I am going to become a mini-UNIX admin. This is brand new territory, people.

TTC: Update and plan full of fail

2009-05-07T09:02:00.002-05:00

SooooOOOooo,

That whole lunaception thing? Where you simulate the moon in your bedroom? I think it's working. As in, this is the third cycle in a row where I've ovulated in a timely manner. I've gone from not ovulating before Day 19-21, to not ovulating until Day 40+(++), to ovulating on Day 13-15. This started the first cycle I started to simulate the moon. Interesting, no?

Now if only we can get one of the sperms to my egg. To that end, Husband and I have scoffed and bitten our thumbs at "the books." We started having sex everyday. Or pretty close to it, anyway. This has gotten Husband's testosterone to normal and it is waaaaaaaay better than clomid. Way better ;)

The books, btw, say that men with low sperm count should not have sex more than every other day and should have a dry spell of about 3 days before the wife's fertile stage. Screw you books! We're doing it whenever we want!

Here's the plan that is full of fail: on Sunday I will be 11 days past ovulation. I'm going to pee on a stick. As I'm sure most of you have put together in your quick little brains, that's Mother's Day. And 11dpo is still a little early for a positive, but not impossible or unheard of. Either I'll be elated and all "What awesome timing!" or I'll be drinking red wine with dark chocolate watching French Kiss to nurse my weeping why-meeeEEEee soul. Wish me luck!

Tumbling tumbleweed

2009-05-07T08:51:00.002-05:00

That's me. I've just been alternating between bouncing, rolling and getting hung on something until the wind gusts and liberates me from whatever was holding me back. I'm still studying for my first certification exam to become an actuary. I'm still trying to get food made in my kitchen instead of eating out. I'm still trying to establish a good exercise schedule. I'm still trying to pray and read my bible consistently. Still still still. Tumble bounce roll.

One area of my life in which I have made marked improvement and progress is my puzzle fighter skillz. I just pwnd Husband six times last night. As in 6-0.

**Big prize for anyone who can name the song and artist for this post title

Friday once again

2009-05-01T09:14:00.004-05:00

Time flies. And I felt like posting a picture.

The weekend is around the corner, full of potential. I'm excited by the prospects of another weekend full of studying, homemaking and gorgeous Texas weather. I want to try to make my own laundry detergent and stain remover, but I keep forgetting where I've seen the recipes I want to try. So I'm going to document them here.

Stain remover
Laundry detergent
Other cleaners

There's a possibility Princess Kate will let me watch her baby Sunday afternoon. I'm very excited about this. I'm planning a walk to park in the stroller. Maybe a walk to the library as well. Some time with the doggies. Snack time. Maybe nap time? I'm not sure what his sleep schedule is like. I'm hoping for some rocking time. I love to rock a baby.

If I don't get to play mommy, I will study on Sunday and probably do some cooking.

Happy weekend!

I'm an elf

2009-04-29T15:13:00.002-05:00

Or so the quiz I took on Facebook says. Husband is a wizard. Go figure.

Anyway.

I did some pilates on Monday in place of jogging. Man oh man, did I work my core. I'm still sore in my abs. Which is a good thing. I'm going to try to do the ab portion again tonight after jogging. I'm glad I'm getting back into an exercise routine.

Studying is going well so far. I have some reading I need to get done. I'm not doing badly on the practice problems. The trick will be to keep myself motivated. The dissatisfaction I have with my current job helps, but I'm not sure it's enough.

Weekend in review

2009-04-27T08:08:00.003-05:00

You all saw the list of things I could've done this weekend. Now for the list of things that I actually did.

Kitchen got squeaky clean! Yeah!
the secret: use a hairdryer to dry the tile to get all the fluff and dog hair off
what I learned: never ever buy a house that has high gloss tile in the kitchen
Two casseroles of chili mac were made and one was delivered to a friend with twin babies
and the kitchen was still clean
I met with a friend of mine to help him study for some exams for becoming an actuary
I decided I want to be an actuary too, and am now studying for these same exams
I've read the first chapter in my statistics text and have done 10 of the practice problems
I have trepidations but am excited
Started a batch of kombucha
Washed all of our bedding

Best laid plans...

2009-04-24T08:34:00.003-05:00

Saturday is a huge blank canvas waiting for me to paint it. It's an empty stretch of one of my most precious resources: time. And I am giddy. I've decided to make a list of things I'd like to do during my Saturday. This isn't a must-do list; this is an options list. These are things that I can do but don't necessarily have to do. If I only do one of them and spend the rest of my Saturday reading, then so be it.

Make mayonaise and ketchup
Remake my shea body butter to incorporate some almond oil, coconut oil and eucalyptus
Make more face cream with some cocunot oil
Clean out fridge
Clean kitchen
Give myself a mani/pedi
Clean the deck up
Organize the gardening implements
Laundry, laundry, laundry
Clean master bath
Cook some breakfast
Make bone broths (chicken and beef)
Update blog

What am I up to?

2009-04-22T07:58:00.002-05:00

Not a lot. But it's keeping me very busy. Seems like I've had a lot of isolated social events lately. One here, one there. The next thing I know I'm doing something every night of the week. I'm struggling to make sure this doesn't impact my new-found exercise routine. For instance, we have bible study tonight. We have to leave the house no later than 6:30pm. It's going to be hard to get in a jog and shower between getting home and that time. However, I'm going to make my best effort. Maybe I'll skip the shower and go to bible study dirty. I'm pretty sure that's what Jesus would do.

Home cooking has stalled. We are struggling to cook our own food right now instead of eating out. We went on a glut of eating out after Easter. Even though our fast from restaurant food didn't go so well, we still felt deprived. We had to go eat out without the guilt.

We have another glorious weekend of freedom on the horizon. We aren't going anywhere and no one is coming here. Oh! all the things I think I'll get done but won't!

TTC: Update

2009-04-21T09:08:00.003-05:00

So, I'm now day 5. Did you notice what happened there? Did ya! I went through a whole two week wait without obsessing. I did not pee on one stick. NOT! ONE! I did not obsess over my boobs, or feeling tired, or feeling nauseated, or any other "pregnancy" symptoms that I experience with extreme regularity. I haven't not obsessed for almost two years. My cycle was 32 days total. My luteal phase was 15 days. Not bad. I'm still expecting my cycles to start drawing out longer and longer. (36 days, then 40, then 54...) But maybe they won't? maybe? I don't know. I'll have to wait and see, I suppose.

In the meantime...

We are replenishing our savings. Buying the new-to-us car drained the account. And frivolous living has prevented us replenishing.

I'm also getting in shape. As is Husband. I've started running fairly regularly. I've also started doing some yoga in the mornings and some situps after my jog. Today, I feel my muscles, but I'm not in pain. I think that's the perfect amount of workout.

Tuesday's Child

2009-04-21T07:46:00.002-05:00

I was born on a Tuesday, which apparently means I'm full of grace. Ironic. There are days, even weeks and months, when I do not feel so full of grace. There are periods in my life that I look back on and cringe. I don't mean the kind of cringe you do when you look back on the time in junior high you unfurled your towel at a pool party to only then remember you had carefully rolled up your bra and panties in your towel to prevent anyone from seeing them. No. I mean the kind of cringe where you wish you hadn't been that person or done those things. How you can't believe there are people who know these things about you and still love you; much less God. I totally get Adam and Eve. I've committed the sin knowingly and then tried to hide. How could he possibly still love me. After all, I knew better. But he does. He has filled me with his grace, forgiven me and still loves me. I know this is the tired, beat-into-the-ground standard Sunday school story. This post is probably boring and trite to a lot of you; but this is a revelation that I've made several times in my life and will probably make several more. And every time I'm floored by the mystery of God's grace. Of which, I am very full.

iPhone App: C25K

2009-04-14T09:03:00.005-05:00

I've decided to start reviewing iPhone apps that I've tried. I'm doing these in no particular order. If you do not own an iPhone, get one! Despite the fact that I work in "technology" I've never really pushed people to technologize their lives. In fact, I kind of discourage it. Not the case with the iPhone. Now that I have one, I can't imagine life without it.

The app I will review today is the C25K app. It stands for couch to 5k, meaning you can go from being a couch potatoe to running a 5k. Here is a description:

Listen to your own music while you do Couch to 5K intervals. C25K app for iPhone or iPod touch gives you audio cues according to the C25K intervals so you don't have to keep looking at your stopwatch.

I've tried this method of training before, but was not successful because it was far too tedious to time alternating 60 and 90 second intervals. I even used a sound program to create a thrity-minute long mp3 composed of my favorite songs with my voice over letting me know when to run and walk. That was tedious as all get out. And a little window into my particular brand of psychosis.

Enter the iPhone app. I've only done one jog, but it was fabulous. The 60 seconds of jogging followed by the 90 seconds of walking is not too taxing. I definitely get a work out but I don't kill myself. I will run again on Wednesday. My only pointer is to make sure you lock your screen using the lock button in the top right corner of the app.

Download and enjoy!

Holy week, following a very unholy week

2009-04-09T14:37:00.002-05:00

Last week my company fired 12 employees. I had to get their personal data off their computers for them and verify they weren't taking super-secret company information. This one girl had a ton of data, as in multiple CD's. What do you say to someone who just inexplicable lost their job? It was not fun. It didn't feel good. No one felt good afterward. Everyone was unsettled last week. My stomach was very screnchy.

This week has been better.

This week is also Holy Week, as in the week before Easter. It starts with Palm Sunday, Monday and Tuesday are quiet, then Wednesday is the Seder supper, Thursday is Maundy Thursday service followed by Good Friday. This is one of my favorite weeks out of the year. My Lenten fast wasn't very successful so a good Holy Week is greatly needed.

In other news, I'm considering reviewing iPhone apps.

TTC: Update

2009-04-07T07:49:00.002-05:00

I ovulated last Wednesday which was the last day of lit sleep. Meaning it was the last day that I didn't block all light from our bedroom. That means I ovulated on day 16. Not bad! Pretty normal!

This time during my last cycle I had consistently sore breasts from the time of ovulation into the next round of menses. This cycle, no soreness. I think my hormones are starting to adjust to the lack of clomid. I feel like my body is detoxing in a way.

I made some hooch!

2009-04-07T07:44:00.003-05:00

I did my first double ferment of kombucha. Quick run down on the steps:

brew a gallon of tea, add a cup of sugar and let cool
pour tea into a gallon jar and add your scoby (mushroom)
let sit out for five days
put a small amount of fruit juice into the bottom of several jars
fill up the jars with your fermented tea
let the jars ferment for a few more days then put in fridge

I had more fermented tea than I had jar space, so I drank some of my kombucha right away. It was pleasantly tart and fizzy. Reminded me of a lemon tea punch of some sort. I tried one of my double fermented jars (the ones with the juice added) and it tasted like a wine cooler. As in alcohol. Not strong but definitely alcohol. I think the juice had too much sugar in it so the yeast took over and produced more alcohol than one would normally want in kombucha. Oh well, live and learn.

I'm still drinking it. It is yum.